MANNO: 101 ways to use a write-in candidate

If you’re voting today, chances are you’ll overlook the write-in box.

Disclaimer: I think write-in votes are in many cases a throw away, especially if you’re going to vote for fiction. I wouldn’t do it. Write-ins are sometimes called a “protest vote,” so avoid the space at the bottom unless you’re in a fighting mood. It’s also costly for ballot examiners, who will probably be skipping their lunch break today as it is. Don’t rub it in.

If you respect your vote, then you assume the position that either Obama or Romney can handle the economy better than Crash Bandicoot (though I have my doubts).

With that said, a handful of knuckleheads will use democracy to avoid the “lesser of two evils” approach, or so they can tell their friends they made a funny. Here are a few “protests” I expect to be popular today:

Mickey Mouse: Mickey is the cartoon figurehead of the write-in vote, getting over 400 votes in Florida alone during the 2000 election (though in Florida, he also may have won the state’s electoral votes, who knows). Mickey might be eclipsed by Emperor Palpatine, Disney’s second most popular leader this year. Good luck getting a Pell Grant with that guy in office.

Asdfasdfasdf: Darn touch-screen ballots.

Margaret Thatcher: Expecting at least one senior citizen to have a moment and revert back to 1980s Great Britain.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Those looking for oligarchic reptilian leadership need to look no further. Michelangelo would issue an executive order on day one to repeal President Obama’s ban on pizza.

Bill Clinton: Anyone else miss Bill Clinton?

Write-ins aside: Remember there is no perfect candidate. Casting a vote for either Obama or Romney does not write your allegiance to them in stone – there will be plenty of time for complaints afterwards. Vote for the rest of the country, not just for yourself. Yes, even Wyoming.

The end of this election cycle is in sight. Today is the last day of political ads during “The Amazing Race.” Get your last minute research in for presidential candidates, look into your Senate candidates, and don’t forget the county treasurer. Unless you fall into a manhole walking to class, find your polling place and vote!