Valentine’s Day is less than a week away. Some anticipate the day with bated breath and giddiness. Others greet the “holiday” with loathing and loneliness.
The couples out there, I’m sure, already have their plans all laid out.
The flowers, the chocolate, the jewelry, the dinner reservations — all that good stuff hammered into our heads by the kind people at Hallmark and Zales.
But for the lonely guys and gals out there, I’m here to offer you a few suggestions on how to make the sting of this Sunday hurt a little less.
Singles Night
I saw a poster for this gem last weekend. Apparently Mo’s Irish Pub is throwing an anti-Valentine’s Day party.
In what’s sure to be a hilarious event, there are contests, raffles, matchmaking games and giveaways for local singles. Perfect.
The place is going to be flooded with desperate twenty- and thirty-somethings looking for love.
If nothing else, Mo’s will be a hotbed for people-watching. You can dance with the dozens of divorcees bopping their heads and belting out the lyrics to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies,” or watch the older guys creep around the bar trying to hit on the younger ladies.
Whatever the case, Saturday night at Mo’s Irish Pub is sure to be a great night of cougar-hunting or sugar daddy searching. The event has all the makings of a memorable Valentine’s Day.
Guys’ (or girls’) night out
What better way to spend your Valentine’s night than ripping on your friends who are in committed relationships?
Go out and have a great time without them. Make all the snide comments you want. No one’s there to get his or her feelings hurt!
While your buddy is out on a romantic date with his girlfriend, you can call him a tool for wanting to spend time with her (of course ignoring the fact that you’re out with six guys).
Sit at home playing Xbox Live/eating Ben & Jerry’s
For the video game inclined, you can spend the night playing FIFA with 11-year-olds from Nebraska.
You can bemoan your woeful love life while they talk about how all girls in their class have cooties. At least you have something in common.
The Ben & Jerry’s route is how girls spend their sad nights alone in the movies, so naturally I assume that’s how it is in real life.
On the silver screen, a broken heart is always mended by inhaling a gallon of double-fudge chocolate ice cream. So dig in.
Pretend to be someone’s special someone
Ordering flowers is a cinch. There are plenty of flower delivery services out there.
Just send them to yourself — at work, home, whatever. Sign the card something vague or ambiguous, like “your secret admirer.”
You’ll look desirable, and no one has to know you spent the $30 on yourself.
Sit at home alone and cry yourself to sleep
In true emo style, put on that Dashboard Confessional CD your high school sweetheart bought you and sulk.
It’s OK, you’ll find someone eventually. Just keep telling yourself that.
If it helps, take a page out of the Cubs fan’s playbook: There’s always next year.
Me, I’ll be spending Valentine’s Day Eve with my parents, watching Marquette get another key Big East win and taking them out for their first taste of Marquette nightlife, Harp on the River (most likely not “Singles’ Night”-esque).
I’ll be spending Valentine’s Day itself in a combination of two of the above ways — playing NHL on Xbox with my friends while making dumb jokes about our roommates who are out on dates with their girlfriends.
Ha, losers.
