MURPHY: Don’t be blacked out on “Black Wednesday”

Michael

As college students, we have undoubtedly both heard of and celebrated what has been coined “Black Wednesday.”

Many consider Black Wednesday, or the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, to be the biggest party night of the year.

This means it supplants super holidays like New Year’s Eve, Halloween, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and Michael Murphy’s Birthday Eve.

I don’t doubt that this day may be bigger than all of these holidays. I only dread the night itself.

I often come off as being a bit bitter and cynical in my columns, maybe even to the point where readers think I have no friends and this paper is my way of getting back at the world.

While this is not entirely untrue, I promise you that I do have friends, a respectable social life and enough experience in going out that I can say this: Take Black Wednesday off.

Many of you will no doubt be going home for the holidays and when the night comes, you will likely be going to a bar where people you knew from high school will be.

If you are one of the kids desperately clinging to your high school heyday, more power to you. But if not, avoid this night.

In my experience, this night is basically a high school reunion. This is not to say I don’t have friends from high school, but those that I have I see on a regular basis.

All that comes from this night is seeing kids from high school you don’t want to see.

Granted, I went to Loyola Academy so a lot of the kids I don’t want to see from high school go to Marquette, making it even worse.

I am subjected to seeing annoying kids from my high school all the time; I don’t want to see them any more on a holiday.

No matter where I go, I always run into at least one person I don’t care to see. From there the usual awkward, ambiguous conversation ensues.

How is college? Where do you go again? When do you graduate? Did you get taller? Why can’t we just invent a universal social cue that signals to someone that he or she does not want to be in a conversation with you? And yes, I think I did get a little taller.

If you are talking to me and I’m emphatically nodding my head at every single thing you are saying, it’s not because you are making good point after good point.

I’m just doing everything in my power to speed up the conversation and being careful not to give you anymore conversational ammo.

The only people who think I am being mean right now are the ones who are realizing that they are often on the other side of that conversation. Don’t worry, I’m sure I have done this also after having one to many Zimas.

Anyway, my cynicism and bitterness are starting to creep in again, so I will get back on track. I am not lambasting Black Wednesday. I am only giving you fair warning.

It is a great opportunity to hang out and have a good time with friends you haven’t seen since the summer. Maybe you’ll strike up a conversation with someone you never really liked from back in the day and or even get lucky.

But if you are celebrating this night only because you feel socially obligated, you’re nothing more than a conformist to the machine.

If you are one of those kids that’s going to say “I got so blacked out on Black Wednesday,” give yourself a wedgie, or a swirlie, or any one of the stereotypical loser punishments.

Basically, what I am saying is don’t act like a kid who goes to Miami-Ohio.

You are a Golden Eagle, so act like one over the holidays.