Hi guys—I just woke up for the first time since the Oscars red carpet; the fashion was so boring it put me to sleep. While some were definitely better than others, no one wowed at all; hence, the falling asleep.

However, I was awake long enough to see Jennifer Lawrence’s princess dress,

although that didn’t seem to go too well for her.

Amanda Seyfried looked flawless, but you can only wear your hair up once a week, so I guess she chose Sunday.

The old ladies of Hollywood brought their A-game to the Oscars, as they looked more fabulous than many of the young ones.

Jane Fonda (although she ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda) looked fantastic in Atelier Versace—one of my absolute favorite fashion houses.

She pulled off the bright yellow, which really stood out amongst the other duller colors, without looking too much like a banana!

Sally Fields, or as I like to call her, the mom from Mrs. Doubtfire (and EVERY other movie with a mom in it) looked ravishing in red with a train to rival all trains.

Halle Berry looked sparkly and stylish in her dress, which was Atelier Versace as well.

This would be a really hard dress to wear; I don’t think anyone else could’ve pulled it off like Halle; her fierce attitude and hair really pull it together.

And then….we have Heidi Klum….

1. Who let her in here?

2. This isn’t the Golden Globes, sweetie, so put your golden globes away.

I think she’s trying to distract us from her midlife crisis by (literally) throwing her sexuality in our faces.

In other boobie news, Anne Hathaway’s were standing at full attention.

Again, these are the OSCARS. Not your apartment where it’s late and no one will hopefully notice that you’re not wearing  bra when you go to print your paper (unless half of the men’s basketball team gets on the elevator with you and you have to cross your arms to hide the girls…not like this happened to me or anything), so invest in some pasties! You make how much, Anne? Pasties are like five dollars. Splurge a little.

Unfortunately the Oscars put me in such a deep sleep that I slept through Monday and Tuesday, so I’m going to go catch up on what I missed. Until next time, you stay classy.