A Fool-Proof Guide to Partying Like a Pro

Getting used to the party scene takes a while. Three and a half years later and some seniors are still figuring it out. Don’t worry, the experts (that’s us) are here to help you.

 

The six people you do not want to be on a Saturday night

1. The kid who is too cool for winter

We’re confused why we even have to tell you this during February in Milwaukee, but here it goes: wear a coat. “Alcohol blankets” don’t protect you from hypothermia. Guys, please no “bro-tanks.” Ladies, leave the mini-skirts
for summer.

 

2. The freshman look-a-like

You don’t have to be a freshman to be this person. You just have to look like one. This involves having a lanyard,  a water bottle full of Burnett’s Vodka and standing in a posse of 15 equally drunk kids on a street corner searching for a house party.

 

 3. The thief

There are two categories for this person. First, the thief who drinks everything at the pregame without contributing anything–ever. To avoid this, pitch in money or beer from time to time. Your friends will appreciate it. Second, is the thief in the literal sense. Remember in grade school when they taught you not to steal? It still applies when you’re in college and drunk.

 

4. The loser 

This is not a “loser” in the normal connotation. We mean this as you
literally lose everything. Credit card. Coat. Shoes. It’s not fun being the friend who has to retrace your steps to find
everything you own.

 

5. The screamer

You know those people who seem to get louder the more they drink? They’re not fun. It’s as if each beer triggers some inner volume control to go off the charts. And they always scream about things no one cares about.

 

6. The crier

Girl, get yourself up off the Sigma Chi sidewalk. Nobody wants to deal with you. You’re throwing a tantrum bigger than the kid whose parents won’t let him ride the mechanical Sesame Street car at the grocery store. Mr. Fratstar doesn’t want to deal with you either. Go back to McCormick.

 

 

 

A checklist, for your personal use:

(click to enlarge)

 

How to: Drink Responsibly 

>Always know where you are. If you’re at a campus party, know the cross streets. If you’re at a bar, know the name and address. That way if you need someone to pick you up later (or if you’re just inviting more people to the fun) you don’t have to give them vague instructions like, “I’m at the one house by that other one!?”

>Don’t use straws; they make you drink faster.

>Measure the shots you put in your mixed drinks. A lot of people consider a mixed drink only one strike. Not true if it has three shots.

>Use ice. It will water down the drink as the night goes on.

>Alternate between water and alcohol. In fact, just drink a lot of water.

>Cover your drink with a coaster. There are some serious creeps out there.

>Stick to one type of drink. If you start with beer, stay with beer. If you are drinking mixed drinks, stick with the type of liquor you started with. Switching it up can cause a nasty hangover.

>Keep in contact with your friends all night. It’s easy for people to separate as the night goes on, but it’s safer to keep in crowds.

>Buy drinks that you know the ingredients of. Ordering a random fancy drink can be dangerous if it includes three different types of hard liquor.

>Have a back-up house to crash at if you can’t make it to your house at the end of the night. This is where being with your friends comes in handy. They’ll usually be happy to let you crash on their futon.

>Avoid tequila. It hardly ends well for anyone.

> Don’t play catch-up if you’re late to the party. You’ll get on your friends’ levels faster than
you expected.

>Eat beforehand. Drinking on an empty stomach will end in an early night. If you want to do one better, eat carbs.

> While it won’t sober you up, eat salty late-night food to help avoid the hangover in
the morning.

>And if you do get that hangover in the morning, nothing helps cure it like a Bloody Mary with a slider from Sobelman’s.

 

 

3 New (Pre)Games

1. Six Cup

What’s better than trying new drinks? Trying your friend’s new concoctions. That’s what.

 Rules

(1) Get six empty glasses and one die. Arrange the glasses around the table. Then every player will need a drink of choice, but no one is allowed to have the same drink. (2) Everyone rolls to determine who starts the game. Highest roller is up first. (3) The player rolls the die and pours their drink in the corresponding glass. They can fill the glass with as much or little as they want. (4) The next player rolls, and repeats the same step. (5) Here comes the fun part: once a player rolls the number of a glass that already has alcohol in it, they must drink all of it and move onto the next player without pouring any of their drink into a glass.

 

2. Bullshit

This game’s all about lying, getting called out for it and drinking in the process.

Rules

(1) Start with the Ace of Spades. Whoever has it throws it in the middle and tells the group how many Aces he or she has. (2) Continue around the circle clockwise, counting up from Ace. (3) Each person tells the group how many cards they have of the number and puts it in the middle. (4) If someone doesn’t have any of his or her respective number then that player still puts cards in the middle and tells the group they do. (“Three kings” when they are putting down three Jacks.) (5) If you suspect someone’s lying, tell him or her: “Bullshit.” (6) Here comes the fun part: If the player is lying, they drink. If they are not, the person who called them out drinks.

 

3. The Newlywed Game

The best way to test your knowledge about your friends–and probably learn something new, too.

 Rules

(1) Pick a partner (your pretend spouse), and grab a pen and paper. (2) Sit across from your partner. Designate one side as “Group 1” and the other as “Group 2.” (3) Everyone writes down a few questions and puts them in a bag.  (“Drink of choice,” “Most embarrassing moment,” “Favorite sex position.”) (4) Pull a question from the bag and read to the group. Group 1 writes down their answers, and Group 2 writes down what they think their partner said. (5) Here comes the fun part: Everyone reads their answer. If the answers match, the couple doesn’t drink. If they do not, both take a drink. (6) Now it’s Group 2’s turn. Follow the same process, but have roles reversed. (7) Repeat.

 

 

Drinking with Mom and Dad 

By Molly Mollner

The phone rings on a Wednesday morning, right before your 10 a.m. class.  “Hi honey, I just wanted to let you know that Dad and I are coming to visit you this weekend!”

As you roll out of bed you realize that you have weekend plans and parties, but you can’t say no to a parents’ visit. So here’s the plan: it’s necessary to go to Trader Joe’s, a fancy restaurant and the spirit shop. And because you don’t want to blow off weekend plans, you can even take Mom and Dad to the parties and bars.

But how do we responsibly and enjoyably drink with our parents?

The city of Milwaukee—let’s face it—it is known for its drinking. But if your parents are like most, they black out (pun intended) to the idea that their child may drink their nights, and sometimes days, away. There is a small part of them that can’t wait to visit, because finally it’s acceptable to drink with their college-age kid.  And most parents can’t wait to relive their yesteryears and join the fun again (whether or not they admitted it when you were younger, drinking was a fun activity for parents growing up, too). There is also a small part that may be sad to see their child grow up and go out—so it’s vital that you show them you know how to do it responsibly. And if you haven’t learned how to do that yet, we’re here to help with an easy step-by-step guide.

 

#1. Pregame

Organize some sort of pregame where you can have a few drinks before you go out with your parents and friends. It’s a relaxing way for parents to get to know your friends outside of the large party or bar scene.  Some parents may be awesome at Beer Pong or Flip Cup, but probably lost their talent over the years.  There is no better opportunity to resurrect their skills than at Marquette.  Hey, we all must owe our drinking talents to Mom and Dad.  Does “We got it from our mama,” ring a bell?

 

#2. Who doesn’t love seeing a parent at the bar at 1 a.m.? 

For some parents, visiting their college kid means rewinding the clock roughly 25 years and turning back into their 21-year-old rock star selves.

Parents want to feel comfortable so make your best efforts to keep them in a casual atmosphere that allows them to see a glimpse into your late night life on the weekend. While Milwaukee has many bars to choose from, pick an atmosphere that gives a glimpse into your life at school.  Milwaukee’s bar scene allows for many choices.  According to Barb Tracy, mother of senior Annie Tracy, “Milwaukee can be excessive.  There are a lot of bars and it gets overwhelming for not only a parent, but a visitor.”   Steer away from fancy places in the Third Ward just because Mom and Dad may be paying, and aim for parties or bars you would usually stop by on the weekend.

After a night out downtown at bars such as Flannery’s, you can take them to classic campus bars such as Murphy’s and Caffrey’s after midnight.  This is a great way for parents to see the Marquette community. Next thing you know, Mom or Dad may picking up a pretty hefty bar tab.

#3. Keep ‘Em Coming Back

While you may want to drink your nights away, remember that the focus is on them, and your key is moderation. Fact is, parents miss their kids and can’t wait to spend time with them at college.

But parents won’t be happy if they end up taking care of you the next day.  Barb Tracy says, “I find that at least with me, drink in moderation. I have not necessarily seen Annie drunk. But I’m happy to see that Annie is happy and has such wonderful friends.” While it may be tempting to get drunk with your parents, it’s probably better to shed light on your responsible self while they visit.  Drinking in moderation can be your key to success and what keeps them coming back.  This way, your parents will support your academic and leisure activities at Marquette.