A poster hung on the door to my sixth grade classroom, which read: “Watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Mrs. McCall’s decoration has stuck with me — and maintained its accuracy. Words shape and create our worldviews. How we speak represents how we think, and what we say indicates what we will do.

As a communications major, my classwork revolves around communicating concisely and meaningfully. As a member of campus organizations, I know that every word on an email, application or agenda is chosen intentionally. As a student, I know how to use words to convey a point and reiterate a thesis.

But as a 21-year-old, I admit to using words rather recklessly. I’m chatty to a fault, and what I say rarely is delivered in the profound manner it could be. I have witnessed the social casualties that can ensue because of thoughtless words within daily conversations.

Still, a few times a week, I am forced to think carefully about the message I am intending to send. By using some words in preference to others, it is possible to change the connotation and reduce barriers in our
vocabulary — barriers I am trying to break not only through writing, but in daily conversation.

For instance, I am prone to speaking in absolutes. Everything is always the worst or best, the easiest or hardest. My constant exaggeration has been noted as a source of amusement by several friends, but my superlative speaking is something I’m consciously attempting to adjust.

When I speak in such hyperboles, I eliminate room for any intermediate areas of life. By asserting so many extremes, the typical rarely frames my worldview, despite how average my days tend to be.

Speaking in absolutes also means I usually use “when” instead of “if.” As a senior, discussing my future is a regular occurrence.  And while I am still incredibly uncertain of my post-graduation plans, I refer to the future with an authority every time I use “when.”

My more precise friends use their speech to reflect the uncertainty of their future endeavors. Instead of clarifying potential actions for “when” they happen, they use “if” – “If I move to Seattle…” or “If I get married.…” Although this is a minimal example of word choice, it is significant.

While setting goals for oneself is important, some things cannot be planned and the planning process can be overwhelming.  By using “if” instead of “when” in certain situations, it is possible to acknowledge the potential for change without disappointing expectations of success.

Examples of vocabulary-shaping attitudes are easy to notice. More difficult transitions occur when attitudes are assumptive assertions into dialogue.

Take asking about someone’s love life. It’s commonplace to assume the gender of the other person. But asking a girl “do you have a boyfriend?” implies something different than “are you in a relationship?” Reflecting upon my conversations, often I’m too flippant in assuming my lifestyle is the same as everyone else’s. Just as speaking in superlatives eliminates the middle ground, asking such questions eliminates the acceptance of alternatives.

This is not enough. Acceptance of realities can begin through word choice, but it is just a start.

As the poster says, adjusting our words can lead to a change in action. It is not enough to say one thing without believing it — recognizing it, accepting it and moving in a positive direction. Solid communication is a powerful tool. We might as well use it as intended.