KELLY: My spring break report card

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Like many of you, today is my second day back to reality after a week spent in fantasyland.

I was lucky enough to spend the week with some friends and classmates in Panama City, Fla., soaking up the sun (or in my case, frying my pale white self), and trying to forget everything I crammed into my head for midterms.

Well, it sucks being back in the classroom, but what can you do?

So in the spirit of squeezing just one more drop out of spring break, before we shake out the sand from our backpacks and trade in our sunscreen for snow hats (30 degrees still, really?), let’s revisit the week with my Spring Break Report Card, grading people and events on how they made my trip great.

Cruising in pickups

Apparently this is all the rage in beach cities. Here’s the drill: You get a truck, install tires five times the normal size, pile twenty guys in the bed and blast bass-heavy music.

Then you drive up and down the strip at four miles an hour, catcalling girls, revving your engine and flexing your muscles.

I have no idea if this works or not, but I do know I saw dozens of Ronnie and Pauly D lookalikes doing exactly this, making it impossible to drive a mile without waiting an hour in traffic.

Grade: D

The Birdman

Every day, seagulls flocked 50-strong to a corner balcony of one of the hotels overlooking the beach.

Some guy stood there, arms outstretched priest-like, breadcrumbs in hand, while birds circled around him for hours at a time.

The scene was hypnotizing and hilarious. This was, as far as I could tell, his only activity all week. Definitely an interesting way to spend break. Grade: B

The basketball game

The collective emotional swing we Marquette fans suffered Thursday night was the biggest I’ve ever experienced.

And I’ll take the heat for jinxing the team. When we were up 15, playing well and feeling great, I started making plans for the drive home.

“Hey, let’s watch us play New Mexico in San Jose!”

Well, I’m a moron. Next thing you know, boom. We’re back on the wrong end of a tight, late-game situation, and Quincy Pondexter’s leaner joins Brook Lopez’s hook shot and Lazar’s step as devastating tournament-ending plays.

Grade: F, for freaking heartbreaking.

Northern Iowa students

I watched the game with about 50 MU friends at a beachfront restaurant, along with a bunch of Northern Iowa kids watching their game.

Throughout both contests, the “We are Marquette” chants blended with the “U-N-I” ones, into one huge gush of camaraderie and school pride.

It turned out to be a pretty cool scene — each fan base rooting for the other.

Grade: A

Piano man

One night, some friends and I ate at a seafood restaurant that had some old guy playing classic piano songs (Michael Buble and the like) in the background.

As the restaurant cleared of families and we were the last people there, he stopped with the piano tunes and cranked “The Teaches of Peaches” on the highest volume.

For those unfamiliar with Peaches and her comically vulgar songs, it was akin to Jack Black singing his “F*** Her Gently.”

The song — like the restaurant — started off classy and out of nowhere turned into spewing profanity. Pure comedy.

Grade: A

Guy who brought his five-year-old son to the beach

It doesn’t take a genius to know a beach littered with college kids isn’t the place to bring youngsters.

Awful parenting, but kind of funny seeing that little kid staring wide-eyed at the blondes in skimpy bikinis and fake-baked, tatted-up guidos falling all over each other playing dizzy bat.

That kid definitely has some questions about how you act when you’re older.

Grade: D

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