MURPHY: The how-to spring break guide

Many of us will be going on spring break in a few days. I will be venturing off to a certain commonwealth of the United States. Sun, fun and an unhealthy amount of alcohol will surely be involved. And while this is great, there are still a few rules that everyone should adhere to.

Here is some advice from Marquette students with spring break experience.

“Don’t be a hero when it comes to sun lotion,” said sixth year senior Brian Robbins, a former Cancun spring breaker. Robbins explained that when he was a first-year senior on spring break, he went lotionless on the last day to maximize his tanness.

“I made a mistake,” he said. “It is a trip ruiner. You look ridiculous and you are in a tremendous amount of pain.”

While physical pain can certainly hinder a good time, financial pain can as well.

“Spend your money accordingly,” said senior John Fox, former Panama City spring breaker. “When you step off the plane into that warm weather, all you want to do is go out, make it rain and have a great time.”

Unfortunately for Fox, this left him borrowing money by the end of his trip.

“Quite frankly, it was embarrassing,” he said.

Borrowing money might make you feel uncool, but you will surely feel better when you see what an uncool person truly looks like on spring break.

“Don’t get frustrated with huge meathead idiots from other schools,” said senior Meg Regan, a former Acapulco spring breaker.

Regan said if you’re going to get annoyed with every obnoxious, drunk college kid, it could severely damage your fun time.

“Running into these kids is inevitable, so just get used to it.”

This translates to females as well. Last year, when I was in Panama City, I witnessed some downright shameful behavior by college ladies.

This included wet T-shirt contests, booty-shaking contests and some unsightly behavior on a balcony overlooking a testosterone-filled swimming pool. Ladies, have some dignity and choose not to partake. God forbid you end up on MTV. What would your parents think?

CoolestSpringBreak.com gives some legal advice to all spring breakers who actually want to see their parents again. Guys and girls should always be aware of how strict bars are if they’re underage, the Web site said.

It also stressed to be extra mindful of what you’re putting into your body, especially if you’re out of the country.

“Just say no,” the Web site said. “In many countries, penalties for drug possession are very severe. In addition, most countries consider anyone over sixteen an adult. Talk about a permanent record. Even the hardiest spring breaker is not prepared for a night in a Mexican jail.”

Or being kidnapped. Take a bit of advice from my Aunt Dot. “If they look like a Mexican drug cartel, smell like a Mexican drug cartel and have really good drugs, then they are a Mexican drug cartel.”

Besides that, there’s not much to be worried about. For those of you who are going on your first “real” spring break, get ready to have the time of your life.

Michael Hechinger, a junior who’s going to Mrytle Beach, S.C., said he anticipates an awesome time.

“I’m going to have an awesome time,” said Hechinger. I told you he anticipated an awesome time.

So good luck spring breakers and make me proud. The week will go by like a blur and trust me when I say you are creating memories and liver problems that will last you the rest of your life.