It's the fuel that drives the plot of classic literature, crimes of passion and mindless CW shows: envy.
Everyone knows the guy who can pick up girls who are lightyears out of his league but barely pick up his knuckles from the ground. Or maybe it's the naturally talented athlete who will always be able to outrun you, outscore you and do a victory dance over your beaten, broken dreams. Girls, I don't need to tell you a thing about jealousy. Four words to ease your suffering, ladies: She. Doesn't. Eat. Much.
Mediocre people can't help but feel a little jealous of those who have good fortune handed to them. It seems if you are popular and have a high profile, you're much more likely to get what you want and say to hell with consequences for your actions. I'm sure Marquette administrators can agree with me on this one.
The same is true for cities. New York is a hub for basically everything. Milwaukee has a bronze statue of the Fonz.
Milwaukee gets the shaft in just about everything. Being from Chicago and bearing a certain holier-than-thou attitude toward this fair city, I've learned to acknowledge that Milwaukee, save for its winters, has got some sweet qualities. Doesn't do much good though, if bigger, bossier cities suck out everything valuable Milwaukee has.
I'm talking, in this case, about the loveable Rev. Timothy M. Dolan, Archbishop of Milwaukee since 2002, being shipped off by papal decree to take over for the 77-year-old Cardinal Edward Egan as Archbishop of New York. Honey, you've come a long way.
Dolan, of Irish heritage, is known for his jolly demeanor and exterior, and was the pride and joy of so many Milwaukee Catholics. Egan had a reputation for being standoffish and fumbling with the media. Approachable and very, very funny, Dolan is a 180-degree turn from his predecessor and, frankly, does not seem a good match for New York's gruffness.
Being the blithely provincial Midwesterners we are, it's possible some of you aren't aware that many other parts of the country look down on us. We're viewed as boring, unambitious and generally second-rate. I think they may have us confused with Canada. At any rate, it's probably a lot easier to feel that way when you're reaping our spoils like a medieval lord, New York.
Dolan wasn't just likeable, he was honorable. In a time when the Archdiocese is in danger of bankruptcy, largely because of settlements from clergy sexual abuse allegations, Dolan was a model of transparency for other dioceses. His relocation is truly a loss to the diocese, as he was able to restore trust in many Milwaukee hearts.
New Yorkers interviewed by reporters questioned whether Dolan had the grit to handle New York's pace of living. He's an Irishman — he may seem cuddly, but you'll be on your butt on the curb if you try his temper. Perhaps a Midwesterner in the role is just what some of those cocky coasties need.
Some places will get all the glory. Milwaukee, let's show 'em we've got the grace.