Communication. In reality, it's the first thing a person learns in life.

We then spend the next umpteen years developing our communication skills, only to come to Marquette and be overwhelmed with various jargons that leave the meanings of words impossible to unscramble and simple sentences completely confusing.

The inner-circle terminology of university officials and student government representatives can be particularly hard to understand. But have no fear, I am offering the following column as a translation of recent public statements by Marquette leaders.

The published question and answer interview with University President the Rev. Robert A. Wild, includes information on "increasing diversity," student financial aid, the endowment project and the Marquette neighborhood.

What Wild really meant by the statement "…we're trying to become more diverse," is that Marquette is going to continue to hunt down and find the few ethnically diverse students here and publish pictures of those individuals in every form of Marquette advertising in hopes that possible future ethnic students will be tricked into thinking that Marquette is a diverse place and apply as a result.

"We haven't set a firm goal [in the endowment campaign]" really means that the university hasn't spent the time to establish an actual numerical goal for the campaign and is instead dedicating every second to sucking money out of alumni. This leaves a lot for us seniors to look forward to.

The comment, "We have to keep working on neighborhood relations and campus security" indicates the university is going to continue to buy up and tear down as many buildings in the area as possible. But the tenants of the Newbridge and Trebor Apartments already know that, don't you?

Wild's comment that the Gold and South Africa decisions "may not have been fully correct" was his way of saying 'They were really stupid decisions that made the university look bad…Oops.'

However, don't make the mistake of thinking that Wild is the only one who uses vague rhetoric to mask the real meaning of what's being said.

For example, Marquette Student Government president and College of Arts & Sciences senior Brock Banks recently told the Tribune that MUSG "may help the administration test a new e-mail program," which can be translated as 'if the Office of Student Development calls on its "GO-For" organization, aka MUSG, then it will quietly and obediently heed its master's call.'

Banks also publicly admitted he is going to scrap his campaign pledge to increase the number of student advocates from one to four.

On the subject, Banks said, "We sat down and thought about it, and decided to go with one." Which really means that the election is over, and he can now openly admit their campaign promise was completely impossible.

Finally, when the Marquette Interchange Project spokesman Barbara Mikolajczyk said the project is "expected to be completed in November of 2008," she was really saying that it 'may be done in November of 2008…and it also may be done years after you all graduate – haha.'

The truth of the matter is that any politically-aware leader talks in code and leaves us to attempt to decipher his or her meaning on our own.

Moreover, it's not the fault of the officials, at least not entirely. It's the fault of the public. We allow our leaders to use vague drivel and jargon instead of demanding they really just tell us what's going on.

Personally, I think it's time we demand our leaders to respect us enough to give us more honest and open responses on the occurrences of Marquette life.