I realize this makes me a "horrible person" or "not even a person" or, as a friend of a friend apparently labeled me, "dead inside."

But I can't help it. Dogs scare me. They're smelly and jumpy and you can never tell what they're thinking.,”

I don't really like dogs.

I realize this makes me a "horrible person" or "not even a person" or, as a friend of a friend apparently recently labeled me, "dead inside."

But I can't help it. Dogs scare me. They're smelly and jumpy and you can never tell what they're thinking. And also, a lot of them are bigger than me.

Perhaps those of us deprived of pets as children just never have the opportunity to get comfortable around animals. Most other petless people I know are also uneasy around dogs. And birds. And bunnies. And fish.

I've often faked encounters with animals. You know, like how people fake that other people's babies are cute. They say, "Aww, he's adorable" or "Wow, what an energetic little guy!" If this is said by a petless person about your dog, you can safely translate it to "Ahh, I hope it doesn't slobber all over me" or "Wow, it just ripped my jeans."

I'm not sure why there is so much hate toward people who just don't love dogs, but I figure there must be a lot of it for someone who doesn't even know me to quip that my indifference to canines makes me "dead inside."

In defense of those whose animal instincts are to avoid them, we by no means wish you or your pets harm. We just don't understand why you sob when the horse gets shot in "Braveheart" but don't even flinch when Mel Gibson's girlfriend goes down.

According to a 2005-'06 study by the American Pet Producers Manufacturers Association, 63 percents of households in the United States have pets. Of those who are dog owners, 75 percent consider their dog "like a child or family member," and 80 percent of them buy their Rovers gifts for Christmas, birthdays, Valentine's Day, Halloween or various other occasions and non-occasions.

Pets are, apparently, big business. The APPMA reported the average pet owner spends $17 per gift, and 9 percent of owners are throwing birthday parties for their pooches. If anyone knows someone who has done this, please don't tell me.

I'm glad that pets provide so much comfort and love to so many Americans. We all know stories about little boys learning to play catch with "man's best friend" and, of course, we all hold a place in our hearts for the "crazy cat ladies" who enjoy feline companionship in their old age. And that's just swell. Pet people, good for you.

I may never understand why people place a pet on the same level as a child, and I suppose other people don't understand why I don't find cocker spaniels particularly alluring. I'm not judging; all I ask is the same from you.

Maybe we petless people are aesthetically challenged for not thinking dressing your Doberman in a Christmas sweater is cute. Maybe we're crazy because the sound of a screeching bird or the smell of a litter box makes us queasy. Maybe it's weird that my best friend is not a dog but a girl named Liz. Maybe I just need a good snuggle with a puppy on the couch to change my mind.

But of course, that ultimately wouldn't work. Because after all, I'm dead inside.

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