Ah, the beginning of a new school year. Books to buy, friends with whom to reconnect and summer stories to exaggerate. However, let us not forget a new class has joined our ranks. To properly prepare them for the "Marquette experience," there's a little something they should know about our urban community. An age-old rivalry exists here. No, it's not between Marquette and any other school. It's not even about basketball. It's about people from Wisconsin versus people from Illinois.

For all of you from less controversial states like Michigan or Ohio, rest easy. But for those of you who swell with pride at the sight of the Sears Tower or deep dish pizza, be ready for the attack. It will start with the rather innocuous question, "So where are you from?" By responding "Illinois" you may see a perfectly normal college student go from hospitable to hostile in a matter of seconds.

Then out pops the acronym despised by all Land of Lincoln lovers: FIB (if you don't know what this stands for, ask your nearest Wisconsinite). Having been called a FIB myself (and occasionally a Flatlander), I just had to know what was the cause of it all. I mean it's not like in Illinois we sit around plotting the ruin of our neighbor to the north, so why all this state hatin'?

The main reason is the way we drive. Apparently, when people from Wisconsin travel to Chicago, they get stuck in traffic. This inconvenience allows them to form an irrational dislike for Illinois and all of its inhabitants. Gee, getting caught in Chicago traffic must be really annoying. I speak for every Illinois motorist when I say I just can't get enough of inching along in traffic for hours fixated on the incessant red flashing of the car's blinker in front of me, all while cursing myself for finishing that Big Gulp.

It's not just the traffic in Illinois that's to blame, though. Wisconsinites also find fault with our driving on their fair highways and byways. I've heard numerous complaints about people from Illinois coming up and driving like "they don't know where they're going." Imagine that! It seems impossible to believe that whenever a cheesehead goes downtown Chicago, they're able to find the intersection of Franklin and Lake without making so much as one wrong turn. But it must be true, because otherwise it would just make this whole thing hypocritical.

So here's my point: Let's put an end to this trivial feud and accept the residents of both states are equal. Besides, if Wisconsin and Illinois band together, there will finally be enough power to take down those smug Minnesota bastards.