I first noticed the phenomenon as Mother Nature brought forth the first chill of the season. There was a fleece here, a jacket there, all sporting the same small white embroidery. Initially, I only caught a glimpse of the words while strolling behind someone down the stairs or on my way to class, and I distinctively remember wondering if by some astonishing coincidence I kept running into the same people. It wasn't until recently that I became privy to a tale of sheer horror and intrigue that will forever transform my view of humanity.

While leaving theology class, I observed what I have come to call a "North Facer," so I asked a friend, "What exactly is the deal with the whole North Face thing?" Turning to me, she beamed with the sudden excitement of a person who needs to divulge a terrible secret.

Her friend first noticed the trend while he was attending Marquette University High School where a steady bombardment of North Face gear transformed his initial feelings of apathy into a full blown, fanatical need for a piece of his own. Now, the craze has spilled over and infected our university. Only after deciding to investigate further did she shockingly find that most of the fleece jackets soared into the $150 and over range.

As she finished her story, a sullen expression lingered upon my face. Then suddenly an oncoming North Facer caught my eye as another hurriedly passed me from behind. Then another and another, swooping in from the left and right. Before I knew it, I was besieged in a torrent of well-insulated lemmings! Caught in a sudden onslaught of panic, I dived into the nearest building and, hyperventilating, attempted to regain my composure.

They're still out there, though. They're still walking about in their shells quietly plotting for total world domination. But I know I'll be safe here, tucked away inside my clean, padded room. No, they can't reach me here, but I still fear for you. They might have already gotten to you. So tell me, are you a North Facer?

Szymborski is a freshman in the College of Arts & Sciences.

This article appeared in The Marquette Tribune on Dec. 7 2004.

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