Here’s the mail I recently received in my imagination. It never fails to amaze me what crazy questions “people” can come up with. It’s almost as if they want to wag my tail with what they ask. Still, when it comes I want to wail because, frankly, what college student doesn’t love mail?

Of the current players on the men’s basketball team, who’s got the best chance at getting drafted at some point?

– Gold Digger (Cobeen)

While a few draft websites have Darius Johnson-Odom going late in the first round this year, I remain unconvinced. He will have to have one heck of a performance in the NCAA Tournament to garner more national attention. Even then, he simply doesn’t have the necessary NBA skill set to match his height. At 6-foot-2, he is too short to play the shooting guard position and his handles are nowhere near NBA point guard material.

Senior forward Jae Crowder’s size, 6-foot-6, will also be an issue, although that didn’t stop the Timberwolves from drafting Lazar Hayward two years ago. His athleticism leaves much to be desired as well, so I don’t see the draft in his future.

As for the underclassmen, it’s too early to tell with many of them, but freshman guard Todd Mayo and redshirt sophomore forward Jamil Wilson have shown enough this year to warrant at least a discussion.

Mayo’s pedigree and scoring touch are nice, but he and DJO will have a difficult time in the Association because of their size. Wilson has no height problems but needs to develop his game a la James F. Butler, adding 20 pounds of muscle and a 15-foot jumper to go along with his defensive acumen.

Long story short: DJO.

The women’s basketball team is literally paying students to go to its home games, yet it gets 200 on a great day. Why can’t the women get any love?

– Terry (The Al McGuire Center)

Because college kids are stupid. It’s really as simple as that. Look, I get that women’s basketball isn’t always enthralling, but is it really that big of a chore to walk two to six blocks, get free food, watch basketball for a half and potentially win money? I find it pathetic and quite telling of the weak passion of fans at Marquette.

You are a joke of a columnist you hack. You are just ripping off the mailbag idea from Bill Simmons because you can’t think of something good to write!!

– Matt (2040s)

Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

Which athlete at Marquette has the coolest name?

– John Smith (Mashuda Hall)

There are some real good choices on the men’s basketball team with Darius Johnson-Odom and Vander Blue at the head of the class. The women’s team also has some standouts like Margeaux Dupuy and Apiew Ojulu. These teams are too mainstream though. We must dig deeper.

The track and field team has the most vanilla names of any team while the men’s soccer team boasts Kelmend Islami, C. Nortey and Axel Sjoberg in their ranks. I’m not going to lie—I was thiiiis close to going with Axel Sjoberg.

And then I remembered Pepper. Well that’s just his nickname, but this junior on the men’s tennis team has a name worthy of the belt. Say it with me: Jose Carlos Gutierrez Crowley. Doesn’t that just roll off the tongue?

Make your case for Julie Jeziorowski of the volleyball team, Vanessa Legault-Cordisco of the women’s soccer team, or Jake Thomas of the men’s basketball team if you want, none can come close to a name with two first and last names.

This is probably the dumbest article I’ve ever read from a university supported newspaper. Whoever wrote this should be terminated immediately …. Most unintelligent piece of ‘journalism’ I think I have ever read, and embarrasses me as an alum to have something like that represented in our own newspaper. And makes our communications school look like even more of a disgrace than it really is … pathetic.

– ITS INDIANA! (The Internetz)

You mad bro? Believe it or not this was an actual response to the editorial the Trib ran last week. And sports fans wonder why they are looked upon with derision. Overreaction at its finest.

If there was a fight to the death between all the head coaches at Marquette, who’d be the last one standing?

– Smash Bro (The Rec Center)

Is there even a question who would win? Women’s volleyball coach Bond Shymansky is so tough he made Chuck Norris cry. Bond is so cool the Dos Equis guy has him on speed dial. Bond is so smooth he takes his martinis shaken AND stirred. Game over.