Bud Selig’s lesson plan

In terms of teaching candidates, Marquette could do a lot worse than MLB Commisioner Bud Selig, who was named an adjunct faculty member in sports law last week. Then again, it could do a lot better too you know, like someone who actually has a Ph.D. and a face that doesn’t scare away small children.

Selig has been giving lectures at Marquette the last couple years, and apparently his addition to the staff was more of a formality than a job offer. He won’t be a full-blown professor. He won’t be grading tests or homework assignments.

But whatever way you slice it, this could end up being a smooth move for Marquette. From what I hear, he’s a rousing speaker, which is interesting because he didn’t have much to say this year when the Washington National’s outfielder Nyjer Morgan tried to karate chop Florida’s pitcher Chris Volstad’s head in half. Maybe press releases aren’t his thing.

I wonder what other talents and methods the commish will bring to the table.

He would probably have a pretty sweet T.A. Being the former owner of the Brewers, maybe he’d call in for outfielder Ryan Braun or first basemen Prince Fielder. Or he could go old school and make Bob Uecker his assistant. No matter who he picks, Selig will probably make outfielder Corey Hart grade all the term papers for having the worst facial hair since Grizzly Adams. Gross.

The best part of a Selig-taught class would have to be the presumed disregard for the university’s academic honesty policy. If he handles teaching anything like he handles baseball, Selig’s principles on cheating would be simple: none.

If Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds can hit the juice like thirsty third graders and wallop balls out of the solar system without getting reprimanded, then I think students will be OK taking a few peeks on their midterms.

That is, of course, if the class is still going by midterms. Selig’s track record suggests he doesn’t always like to finish what he’s started. Remember the 2002 All-Star game right here in Milwaukee? Ended in a 7-7 tie. Way to give the fans their money’s worth. I can only imagine the conversation Selig had with his cronies:

Crony: “Hey, Bud, both teams are out players. What should we do?”

Selig: “Really, and the game’s not over? Why does baseball have to take forever? I should have been commissioner of women’s beach volleyball.”

Crony: “Yeah, it’s 7-7 in the 11th inning. Any ideas?”

Selig: “How bout we just call the game a tie, down a few Miller Lite’s and brats and puke on the Hank Aaron statue?”

Crony: “Genius. That’s why you’re the boss.”

Honestly, I’d take a Selig-taught class in a heartbeat. You’d get some great insight from a guy who has been the head honcho of America’s past time for 12 years. You’d get the lenient cheating philosophy, the famous guest speakers and the slight possibility that Selig will stop teaching halfway through the year and give everyone a tie (hooray for apathy!).

The only downside? He’s a Badger alumnus. Oh, well. You can always exact revenge on Selig with a poor review on ratemyprofessor.com