The hardest part of my column is always the opening. I always want to hook my readers and reel 'em in slowly. I want to tease and taunt them to their final destiny, my boatload of good points.

OK, maybe I'm tooting my own horn. The hardest part is the intro though. Anywhere from 25 to 30 words has to be interesting enough to make you want to read this column. I'm an avid reader of sports columns, but if it doesn't have a good foundation I throw it in the "don't read pile" next to my college texts.

So all semester I slaved over my computer. Every week when I wrote my lead for this column I felt like Queen — "Under Pressure." I would sweat more profusely than Gary Williams in a sauna. I drove myself insane most Tuesday nights, looking for a lead with the razzle of the Olson twins and the dazzle of a Westin Ballroom.

I would struggle like a woman in her 38th hour of labor to get the ideal words. I'd almost be there. I'd be so close. It would be just within reach. Then I'd delete it all to start over, and reach for another A&W, frustrated and defeated.

Every now and then I'll come across President Bush on the television whining about what a long process Iraq is going to be, and I'd think, "You think you got it rough pal? Try writing the beginning of my column."

Maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself, or maybe it was my only escape from the horrors of school work. Whatever the reason, I always felt like that loser who applied to 63 colleges and still didn't know if someone would accept him. I couldn't stop stressing.

Of course I'd get it all done, and in the end I'd think, "Boy, Ritalin doesn't seem like such a bad idea right now." It never failed — next Tuesday would roll in and there I was, biting my nails to the quick, praying for the divine intervention of Dick Schaap.

So there I sat Tuesday, going through the usual motions, and I started thinking, "Forget the opening, this is the last opinion I get to make public until September. I've got to go out with a bang!"

Where is the federal reserve of fireworks when I have to go out with a Fourth of July finale? The playoffs would be a fashionable ending, or maybe the Kobe Bryant case. The Mike Danton story is a nice fit, everyone loves a murder mystery.

Coaching carousels will start revolving soon, but I've proven as good with predictions as Archie Bunker with manners. What do I do? If only I hadn't spent so much time on the opening. The ending is by far the hardest part.