The student news site of Marquette University

Marquette Wire

The student news site of Marquette University

Marquette Wire

The student news site of Marquette University

Marquette Wire

Christmas movies don’t equal sap

1) “Die Hard” (1988)

This action masterpiece spawned dozens of inferior imitators pitting one man against a group of bad guys.

A sarcastic New York cop, John McClane, (Bruce Willis) visits his separated wife’s company party in a Los Angeles skyscraper on Christmas Eve. German thieves posing as political terrorists, headed by dry-witted Hans Gruber (the excellent Alan Rickman), lock down the building and hold the partygoers hostage, save for McClane, who proceeds to kill the bad guys and taunt them with one-liners referencing American culture (Jeopardy, western cinema, etc.).

After he dispatches the first terrorist, McClane applies a Santa hat to the corpse and writes in blood on its sweatshirt, “Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho.”

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However, nothing tops Rickman’s underplayed line: “I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adroit, cooperative, not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way, so he won’t be joining us for the rest of his life.”

2) “Meet John Doe” (1941)

John Doe writes a letter to a newspaper decrying the injustices and corruption of the world and announcing that he will jump off City Hall on Christmas Eve.

John Doe is a fast-talking female columnist (Barbara Stanwyck) trying to save her job by giving her newspaper a stick of dynamite.

The human figure (Gary Cooper) chosen to represent the fictional man reads an inspired speech/rant on national radio, and “John Doe” clubs pop up all over the country preaching kindness toward each other’s neighbors. When Cooper discovers a political machine capitalizing on his character’s popularity, he no longer wants any part of it.

In the powerful scenes late in the movie, director Frank Capra gives Cooper’s character qualities similar to those of a Christ-like sacrifice.

3) “L.A. Confidential” (1997)

The memorable opening act, which occurs on Christmas Eve, sets the mood, establishes characters, and kicks the story in motion with a jail brawl.

Bud White (Russell Crowe) goes Sonny Corleone on a man abusing his wife, and then meets a beautiful woman (Kim Basinger) and the people — all of whom are essential characters in the plot — in her car.

Young Ed Exley (Guy Pearce) oozes with pompous ambition in his insistence on becoming a detective, while “Hollywood” Jack Vincennes (Kevin Spacey) makes a high-profile bust. Everyone ends up at the police station, where the drunken cops — except Exley, whose protests fall on deaf ears — break from their celebration to start a riot in the jail block. The rest of the movie, which infamously lost to “Titanic” for Best Picture, is pretty good, too.

4) “Roger & Me” (1989)

Michael Moore’s tale of the demise of his hometown (Flint, Mich.) provokes awkward moments of humor from subject matter that could not get any grimmer.

He focuses on the role of General Motors in closing down the local plant, rendering the majority of the middle class unemployed and decimating the town. Moore’s filmmaking skills shine in the parallel sequences that take place on Christmas Eve.

In one scene, Roger Smith, CEO of General Motors, addresses his stockholders; in the other, Moore follows a deputy sheriff who is evicting families from their homes.

The part in which a General Motors group of Christmas carolers sing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” as the deputy (dressed as Santa) knocks on doors and kicks out families is particularly clever and depressing.

5) “Trading Places” (1983)

Eddie Murphy was in a class by himself in his prime. His character (wonderfully named Billy Ray Valentine) rises from the streets to the suits due to the wager of a pair of wealthy commodities brokers, who simultaneously construct the downfall of a successful broker (Dan Aykroyd).

The hypothesis of the wager — that social status, not the man, dictates behavior — is proven as a manic Aykroyd, dressed as Santa, attempts to crash the firm’s Christmas party by planting drugs in Murphy’s new office. The second half of the film, when Murphy and Aykroyd turn the tables against the men pulling their strings, occurs in the days surrounding Jan. 1, making this movie quintessential holiday enjoyment.