Before Joan Vassos became the “Golden Bachelorette,” she was a Marquette University lacrosse mom to her son Luke, who played from 2016-2019.
I had the opportunity to talk with Joan about her “second home,” Marquette University, and her experience being the first-ever “Golden Bachelorette.”
Talk to me about your connection to Marquette and what you remember about that time.
It was crazy. He came out to play lacrosse there, and it wasn’t even on my radar. I knew of Marquette, but I never thought that my son was going to go to a school in the Midwest — which is not a big lacrosse area. He said when he met the coach, he fell in love with the school the minute he was there. He actually had an offer to play football at Virginia Tech and decided to go play lacrosse at Marquette, and my husband and I were both shocked. But, from the time that we moved him into this dorm till the time he graduated, we loved being in Milwaukee. It’s such a friendly town and it has such a unique culture. It’s kind of the beer culture, but great food and it’s like a ‘Little Big Town.’ We met so many friends — friends that are still people that we’re still friends with there. I’ve even been back a few times, and I just feel like when he was there, it was like a second home to us.
How has your experience being “The Golden Bachelorette” been, so far? Was it how you expected it to be?
It was so much more than I expected it to be. I didn’t realize how close and invested the men that were on the show were going to be. I thought that, of course, we were going to become friends, but they were so open and vulnerable and ready to talk about how they ended up being this age — in their 50s and 60s — and being alone. We formed these incredibly deep bonds that I never expected, and I will certainly expect that I will be friends with them for the rest of my life. The ones that I didn’t have romantic connections with are still dear friends.
What was your reaction when you found out you would be “The Golden Bachelorette?”
I was so surprised. The people that they normally choose are people that have gone much longer in the season — so, people that have made it all the way to the end, or nearly to the end. I left pretty early. I left by the third episode, so I didn’t really think I was going to be on anybody’s radar after that. I was going to be one of those people that had been on ‘The Bachelor’ and that was a cool thing that you got to do, and you talked about at parties, if anybody asked you. But in general, I thought I was going to be, you know, one of those people that just left early and was kind of forgotten.
Then they approached me and said, ‘Hey, we’re considering you, as you know, one of many people. Would you be interested?’ And I said, ‘Of course, I would be.’ I love ‘The Bachelor’ franchise. I’ve been a fan for years and I think it very often works. What greater thing than to have somebody do all the vetting of all these men for me, and just coming on the show? So I did want to be on it.
But then I started hearing rumors of stars that they were considering, like Susan Lucci and Kathy Lee Gifford. And I thought, ‘Well, I’ll never be picked.’ First of all, I wasn’t on the show long enough. The women that went farther are going to be way more likely. And then they start talking about, you know, other well-known people and I thought ‘I am not going to be picked.’
But I strangely got the call one day from Jesse Palmer, and I was on a video call with him, and he said, ‘I hope you’re not busy this summer, because you are the first-ever ‘Golden Bachelorette.’
What advice do you have for people still looking for love?
That is such a hard one. You know, finding love at this age is hard. Most people are already couples, but for me, it kind of really wasn’t a choice. I loved being married. I had a really happy marriage. I had a wonderful husband, and I loved being a couple. This world is made of couples and when you’re not one, you’re kind of out on this island alone with other singles.
Even though I had a lot of friends who were couples, and I would certainly go out to dinner with the women, I all of a sudden was not part of the couple culture anymore. I had girlfriends, I was no longer friends with the couple. So, when they made plans to go on vacation together, I was never included. I felt like an outcast at weddings. I would be the ninth person at a table, it was always an odd number.
It’s hard to meet somebody, but to me, it felt like it wasn’t really a choice. I didn’t want to go through the rest of my life not having someone. Also, I just feel like I’m happier when I get to share good things in my life. I’m happier when I have somebody to share it with, and when there’s bad things happening in my life, I want somebody there with me also.
I felt lonely not having somebody. I feel like, you know, even if it’s hard to do, even if the number of people that you have out there that you would match with this smaller number, it’s still worth the journey and worth the effort.
What can viewers expect for the upcoming finale?
So, this finale, like all ‘Bachelor’ finales has its own twists and turns — I don’t think it’s ever been the same and mine is the same way. I think that it comes down to a very emotional time for everyone that is left. There are a lot of tears, but there are also tears of joy.
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This story was written by Sophie Goldstein. She can be reached at [email protected].
