339 years later, Father Marquette still not verified on Twitter

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turnip logoDespite reading Father Marquette’s will, university administrators have not verified the deceased Jesuit’s Twitter account, leaving his one and only dying wish unfulfilled.

Marquette pioneered what is now known as Twitter by writing “tweeps,” messages with 140 characters or less, on scraps of paper and sending them to friends via some old species of a blue bird that is now extinct.

He called it “Tweener.”

“Mes amis, I will always believe that I’ll be known for using Tweener before it was cool,” Marquette wrote in his will. “It is for this reason that I require a Tweener verification checkmark, which doesn’t exist yet but probably will someday.”

2014 marks the 339-year anniversary of ignoring the university namesake.

“The university is too busy with more important things like search committees and chasing the Marquette Turkey around,” said Jane Waxner, head of Marquette social media.

When asked about plans to verify the account, Waxner shrugged and grabbed her turkey-capturing net.

Reports from the Vatican indicate that Pope Alexander VII received many of Marquette’s “tweeps” and was royally annoyed by the constant life updates.

“Oui, Pope Alexander may find me annoying,” Marquette wrote in his will, “but I know my idea will one day allow the whole world to publically sub-tweep, share selfies, complain, rant and display romantic affection, among other things. I think that’s a beautiful thing.”

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