Lance Armstrong once said “Anything is possible.” Well, Floyd Landis, the disqualified “winner” of the 2006 Tour de France strongly suspected of using performance-enhancers, took that to heart. Except he forgot the rest of the quote, “as long as you have an advanced understanding of the intricacies of computer fraud.”

Monday, it was revealed that a French judge has issued a warrant for the arrest of Floyd Landis in regards to a computer hacking of the Paris-based laboratory in 2006. Coincidentally, it is the same laboratory that found unusual testosterone levels in Landis’ samples leading up to his 2006 victory, which resulted in his loss of the award. What are the odds?

Well, this certainly looks bad for me and my 80s cover band, “Save Landis.”

You know, there’s a real lesson to learn from Floyd. If at first you don’t succeed, cheat. And when you get caught cheating, commit felonies to cover up your cheating that are extremely easily traced back to you. And when that happens, go into hiding.

Landis’ whereabouts are currently unknown. My guess is he’s in an underground lab right now, figuring out how to “un-invent computers.”