Tears filled my eyes as I sat in my dorm room all alone. I felt like every day took an eternity with no possible way I could make it through another semester. A whole 112 days wishing I never chose this school, hoping I would wake up at home and wondering how I could ever do this.

It was as if smoke filled my body and I couldn’t take a deep breath.

The school year started out fine; I was at Indiana University, I had freedom and I was ready to have this movie-esque experience. Quickly I realized the movies didn’t show everything: the constant homesick feeling, being scared of putting yourself out there and seeing people posting on social media not knowing if they are actually having fun or just drowning in the same feelings.

It was around Thanksgiving break when I suddenly realized college was going to be a lot harder than I thought. I had just spent an entire week back in my hometown with my family and all of my friends; nothing could have been better. As the days were coming closer and closer to when I had to leave, the pit in my stomach grew even more. I didn’t want to leave, I couldn’t.

I wanted nothing more than this year to be done.

After a dreaded four-hour car ride back to school, I looked in the mirror and saw swollen, red eyes. I thought the feeling would leave me, but it only grew the more I realized how much longer I had here. I wanted to leave; I couldn’t stay.

Winter break was harder.

I was myself when I was home. Until the thought of having to go back to the place I dreaded the most flooded my mind. The feeling of being trapped was growing even stronger and I felt the phantom smoke in my body take over.

I had never felt more embarrassed that I was struggling.

It was already clear in my mind that I was transferring schools, but the bigger question was where?

I knew I needed somewhere that was close to home, I wasn’t going to go through the same thing again. I needed somewhere where I could be the best version of myself; I had to let myself grow.

March 19 is a day that forever changed my life; the day the world planted a seed for me. I decided I was transferring to Marquette University.

I never envisioned myself going to Marquette, but, I quickly learned that it was the place for me. It was a place where I wasn’t just seen as another number or statistic, but as a person with real dreams and goals. A place where I was close to home, but could spread my wings. I found myself looking forward to this next stage in my life and having courage to believe that Marquette will let me grow into the person I know I can be.

I am still nervous to start this new journey of my life, but I know that everything I went through last year has allowed me to get to this point. Once all the smoke cleared, and I planted a new seed for myself, I opened my eyes to a world that can be brighter and filled with flowers with this beautiful opportunity the world has given me at Marquette University.

This story was written by Sophie Goldstein. She can be reached at [email protected].