To … Speed Queen: Thanks for the best BBQ ever. I’ll never forget the taste nor the bulletproof counter.
To … The Murphy’s bouncer: My ID was real. You already took my fake one.
To … The Ultimate Frisbee team: Have fun in New Orleans.
To … The Puppy Bowl: Aw.
To … Peyton Manning: Thanks. Thanks a lot.
To … Angelo’s: for not noticing my vomit on the floor.
To … Susan Sarandon: for a breathtaking performance of man-pig spanking during of Montreal’s concert.
To … Doritos: Thank you for giving me the idea of getting buried in a coffin of Doritos.
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