As Halloween approaches, we all scramble to put the final touches on our costumes or find something easy and creative to throw together last minute. Even if you’re not stoked about your own costume, hearing about what everyone else is doing is always entertaining. But it’s not just us college kids who get in the trick-or-treat spirit – presidential hopefuls like to get ghostly too. Here are my hopes for what the 2016 presidential candidates will don for October 31.
The Democrats:
Hillary Clinton – Margaret Thatcher. Policy aside, Clinton has decided to emulate her “woman in leadership” predecessor. She already has the wardrobe and the demeanor, all she needs is a wig.
Bernie Sanders – Larry David. Now it’s Bernie’s turn to make the jokes. He may only have one pair of underwear, but he’s got jokes to spare.
Lawrence Lessig – a candidate. It’s really just a costume at this point.
Martin O’Malley – a pilgrim. Because he just loves Maryland that much.
The Republicans:
Jeb Bush – He cannot decide who he loves more, his brother or his dad, so he has decided to go as both. People will likely be confused, and he’ll spend the whole night explaining his costume to everyone.
Ben Carson – He doesn’t want to go because he thinks it’s childish, but his wife’s boss invited them to a Halloween party and he promised he’d go because he’s been spending a lot of time at the office lately. He’s throwing on scrubs and grabbing a stethoscope. He figures he could make a decent doctor. Yeah, pretty lame, Ben.
Chris Christie – Chris is staying home and eating candy. He’s not even turning his porch light on. He went to the store for candy to give away to the children trick-or-treating but really plans on eating it all before any kids arrive. The next day he will make a statement blaming Obama for the incident.
Ted Cruz – Ted’s going as something offensive that is going to get rightfully scolded on Twitter for being insensitive and ignorant. Go figure.
Carly Fiorina – CEO of Hewlett-Packard, but as one who didn’t plunge the company’s stock prices. Halloween is an opportunity to pretend to be what you’ve always wanted to be, right?
Mike Huckabee – Obama. He would never pass up an opportunity to make offensive jokes about Obama.
John Kasich – Waldo from “Where’s Waldo.” Because, honestly, no one even knew who he was until the GOP debate.
Rand Paul – a ’90s grunge fashion kid, because we all thought he was gone, but he decided to make a comeback despite the less-than-enthusiastic response. People are just letting it happen because at least it’s not disco.
Marco Rubio – Ricky Ricardo from “I Love Lucy.” He’s traditional, probably likes jazz and doesn’t even need a wig.
Donald Trump – Trump doesn’t really want to go trick-or-treating but refuses to deprive the world of his face for a whole evening. He is paying several hundred people to dress up as him.
