The Kansas City Royals are generally perceived as one of the laughingstocks of baseball. They haven’t been to the playoffs since 1985 and have one of the worst attendance rates in MLB. And because getting kicked when you’re down is funny, they are now being sued by one of their own fans.

A fan filed a lawsuit in Jackson County, Mo., this month, claiming he was hit in the eye by a hot dog thrown by the Royals’ mascot, Sluggerrr, at a September 2009 game. The hot dog caused retinal damage, and the man has undergone several surgeries since. He is looking for $25,000 in damages.

This is not good for the Royals. Fortunately, my legal advice is free. If I were you, K. C., I would go with the “How could you not see our hideous mascot throwing sausages” defense.

Just look at Sluggerrr. That is one of the most frightening things I have ever seen. Why can’t he just be a lion with a crown on his head? No, Sluggerrr has to be a lion with a crown morphed into his head like a frickin’ genetics experiment. Children are excited to meet that? I would turn and run before it attacked me. With hot dogs, most likely.