My mom got married when I was 7 years old. I wore a pretty dress and walked down the aisle and then danced the night away. It was genuinely one of the best days of my life.
But I didn’t know just how much my life would change.
Before the wedding, it was just me and my mom against the world. She was my rock, the most consistent and favorite person in my life. Then she got married and I inherited a dad.
It was great, he took me shopping, we played games and we built a relationship that I didn’t really have before. Two years after the wedding, I got a sister. Three years later, I got a brother. My dog followed about six months later.
We moved into a bigger house in the suburbs and I changed schools a couple of times. I got one of those traditional ‘nuclear families’ and it’s better than I could’ve ever imagined. I love them all so much.
But for a time, it was hard.
I always wanted a sibling, and now I had two. They’re cute and funny and I liked sharing my interests with them, but then I was confronted with the reality of being 10 and 13 years older than them.
They annoyed me, constantly yelling and crying, stealing attention away from me. My friends all had close sibling relationships and they had so much fun together. And then I was faced with the reality of it all. They were closer to their siblings because they were simply closer in age.
It was harder for me because I was so much older. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but I don’t know how to love them like a sibling. At least not fully. I’ve been working on it slowly but surely, trying to find the line where I’m more of a sibling than a parent.
On top of that, it was difficult working out how to be a daughter to not just my mom anymore but a new father figure, too. He was always supportive coming to games and concerts, helping me with homework and being my personal chauffeur. But teenage me wasn’t looking at all of that. I would get too caught up on the fact that sometimes he didn’t know quite what to say or that he was always in my business, but he just wanted to help and hang out with me. I see that now.
I’ve been slowly getting better at loving them and letting them all be themselves around me, but sometimes the girl who doesn’t know how to love them shows up. I’m working on it and getting better, I let them tell me about their days and we bond over silly games and movies.
I could’ve never imagined this family years ago but now I’m so happy I have them, even if it took some getting used to.
This story was written by Izzy Fonfara Drewel. She can be reached at [email protected].
