The roommate horror story is a staple of college life. Even as a mere freshman, I’ve managed to discover a few real roommate horror stories, both from friends and personal experience.
Yet nothing can top the fright fest of hilarity that is “The Roommate,” which hit theaters Feb. 4.
Starring Leighton Meester and Minka Kelly, best known for their roles in “Gossip Girl” and “Friday Night Lights,” respectively, “The Roommate” takes place at the fictional University of Los Angeles. Meester and Kelly play roommates Rebecca and Sara, who meet for the first time on their first day of college after Sara stumbles in drunk late at night.
Despite such a beginning, the two become close friends at first, but the relationship starts to dive bomb quickly. Believing Sara’s other friends are less than the best for her, Rebecca becomes as territorial and overprotective as a pit bull.
Soon all hell breaks loose, with Rebecca’s random sneak attacks on the entirety of Sara’s friend base slowly showing Sara her roommate’s true colors.
Unfortunately, these freaky scare tactics are the last decent part of the film. The rest is scene after scene of horrific events leading up to the eventual resolution. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve basically seen the movie — and with the added benefit of something presumably better coming afterward.
This film probably couldn’t be saved even if Alfred Hitchcock came back from the dead, rewrote, directed and produced it. Meester’s attempt to portray an undiagnosed psychotic is laughable. Camera angles and close-ups meant to emphasize the character’s deep struggles end up only being uncomfortable and unnecessary, and the obligatory sex scene is just awkward in general.
By the time they’ve tragically killed off the film’s most charismatic character, pet kitten Cuddles, you’re left wondering not only, “Why did I pay to see this?” but also, “Why would they kill off the only emotional attachment in the film via dryer?”
The remainder of the cast’s acting is another major element of the catastrophe. Essentially culled from the CW Network, with “Gossip Girl’s” Meester joined by actors from “The Vampire Diaries,” “90210” and “Hellcats,” the film’s supporting characters add nothing to the weak plotline or its execution.
Of course, every cloud has its silver lining.
The film does accurately portray college life when it’s not focusing on the psychopathic friendship between the roommates. The little comments of homoerotic frat brothers and embarrassing moments at your first party will strike a chord with collegiate viewers.
And, even if the film does lack thrills, its actual objective, it’s still filled with the unintentional comedy surrounding Meester’s attempts to be sinister and its horrible dialogue.
The moral of “The Roommate” seems to be, “If something appears bad, 99.99 percent of the time, it is.” Unfortunately, it’s a moral that you can apply to the film itself. If only the cast and crew had learned that lesson before putting both their audience and the adorable Cuddles through such undeniable torture.
