I wish my three years of retail experience at Maurice’s qualified me as a fashion expert. I still like to consider myself a “fashionista” — the Maurice’s term for fashion-savvy sales associates bound to help each customer find the perfect ensemble — and my friends and family rely heavily on my opinion for anything clothes- or shoe-related.

The truth is I’m really no expert at all, but when it comes to bad taste, you can call me the chic police, and there are six offenses that really make me wish I could actually arrest people. If I find you flaring these fashion faux pas, prepare to duck and cover.

1) The classic striped button-up paired with khaki pants and … tennis shoes. Gross. Don’t half-ass your attempt to dress nicely by lacing up the same pair of battered athletic wear your foot sweat has seeped into after every workout since 2006.

2) Tattered, chewed-up Ugg boots worn with a trendy cotton shirt/dress and black leggings. Your attempt to look trendy just got Ugg-ly.

3) Leggings worn as pants. They’re not pants. Sorry.

4) Clothes so tight that they must cut off your circulation. Muffin tops and bra lines that become visible through your clothing are not only icky, they’re not “in.”

5) Ridiculously baggy pants that expose the entire backside of your boxer briefs. Nobody publicly needs to see your accentuated butt cheeks and/or crack.

6) Sports jerseys on a daily basis. Is there a Pistons game tonight? No. So tuck that jersey away and put on a real shirt.

Not everyone can be on their fashion game every day. My request is simply that you make yourself more aware of what you put on when you dress yourself for the day. What you’re wearing plays a key role in the impression you leave on people.

Take pride in yourself and what you wear.