Freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors are all experiencing changes right now. Not in their bodies (hopefully), but in their attitudes.

Although school doesn’t end for another two months, many of us have already checked out, ready to begin what doesn’t start until next fall.

Freshmen are ready to become sophomores, sophomores are ready to become juniors … you get the point. Relapsing into my old, cynical self, here’s an overview of what each grade is feeling.

Freshmen

You’re excited to get out of the “beer can in the sky” because you’ve heard rumors about the top-notch quality of your future dorm rooms.

Better food, better rooms and more lenient resident assistants, meaning more naked Guitar Hero and 40-drinking in your room.

Wrong!

The rooms are bigger by about a quarter of an inch. The food is better, but after six straight months of linguine with marinara sauce and “The Very Best of Frank Sinatra” on repeat playing over the speakers, you may be going back to McCormick to get a little variety.

As for duty RAs, they’re just as unreasonable and many of them will be the same age as you. This makes taking a write-up from them even more difficult, especially if you’re naked.

Sophomores

You’re so happy to be getting out of the dorms. Sophomore guys right now are all like, “I’m going to throw sick parties, hook up with chicks, throw more sick parties, maybe hook up with a dude …”

Yes. You will have fun parties, but after a while you’re going to feel so burnt-out and smelly that Milwaukee hobos are going to start walking on different sides of the street than you.

To add to this, wave goodbye to your security deposit — regardless of how ludicrously high it is. Girls often have better luck with this, but many of them still strike out.

Houses are fun for a while, but they eventually become frustrating.

With that said, I will say that if you choose to live in your newly-leased place over the summer, you’ll have a blast.

Best advice I can give you is to join a summer bowling league and not to play with fire extinguishers.

Juniors

I’m not going to be cynical here because junior year was awesome, especially this time of the year.

I was a junior a year ago today.

I was doing daily push-up and sit-up regimens at my bedside to get my spring break body on.

Word of warning though: If you are going on spring break to a place not called Panama City, Fla., you are lamer than a Miami of Ohio student.

The place is spectacular. It’s a hodgepodge of awe-inspiring beauty, bars that play music until your ears bleed and people so trashy you become fearful that overexposure may turn you into one.

Going to Panama City junior year might as well be the last phase of puberty because when you return home, you feel like a man.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t apply to women … I don’t know why, but it doesn’t.

Seniors

While I’m sad this is my last semester, I now understand why four years is perfect.

I’m not going to say I would object to another semester, but I’m ready to move on with my life, which will probably involve being unemployed and living with my parents for a few years.

Regardless, we should all be frightened and excited about what the future has in store for us. I know I am.

Unless I get my dream job: Hose Guy at the bar Spinnaker’s in Panama City. In that case, I would only be excited for the future.