A large percentage of us have iPhones. I do. They’re awesome. But why? Why do we have these ostentatious cell phones that run out of battery faster than America forgot Might Jackson was a pedophile?

I think the simple explanation would be the unlimited number of applications offered in the Apple App Store.

Whether you are downloading a Spanish to English translator or a bubble wrap popping game, the variety of apps covers all ranges of age and sophistication.

Some of the applications have become so innovative and genius that they have many of us wondering, what can’t they do?

Well I have a number of applications I would like Apple to take a stab at. Some of them are slight modifications of real apps and some of them are wholly unique.

Regardless, this is my challenge to Steve Jobs to see what he is really capable of with this crazy little phone.

Kazam

iPhone users, you have all heard of the application called Shazam, the music identifier. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Shazam, your iPhone can identify the artist and name of a song simply by listening.

Kazam is the same concept. Remember that time you saw a guy at a bar and you could have sworn it was Reggie Bush, but no one could really confirm? How about the time you thought you saw Adam Sandler?

Well with Kazam, all you need to do is click it on, get within a few feet of the famous person in question and after thirty seconds it will give you either the famous person’s name and reason for fame or it will just say, “Not famous.”

Some drawbacks are the lack of inconspicuousness and the risk of looking like a weirdo.

iMDrunk

We’ve all had a night where we needed to go home but didn’t know exactly how drunk we were, because we were so drunk.

The iMDrunk lets you know right away by putting the groundbreaking accelerometer to the test.

All you do is click on the app and blow on your iPhone. Instead of giving you your blood alcohol level, information that means nothing when you’re super drunk, iMDrunk tells you whether to go home or stay.

RunPoo

Ever heard of the application RunPee? If not, it lets you know the best times during movies to go run and pee without missing anything.

This app gained a lot of notoriety on the HBO hit series “Hard Knocks” and has become a closet hit in the iPhone community.

Unfortunately, it missed the demographic of people that have to go poo during movies. RunPoo does not.

Whether you are a long pooper, short pooper or somewhere in between, RunPoo provides you with the best times to go No. 2.

I know this article is making you frustrated because these apps don’t exist … yet. But ten years ago the idea of having Internet, GPS, music and a fart maker on your phone was just as implausible.

Maybe in another ten years Kazam, iMDrunk and RunPoo will be just as common. That is certainly the world I would like to live in.