At this point, many of you are still frantically pacing your rooms, asking yourself one of the most important questions of the year: “What should I be for Halloween?”

Some of you will have last-second inspiration and come up with a funny, original get-up. For those of you who do not, I ask one thing of you: Don’t be lame.

There are so many people who think their Halloween costumes are original and funny, but most of the time they’re unoriginal and unamusing.

If you’re wondering what these costumes are so you don’t run into this problem, I will give you a list that I guarantee will be overdone and abused this year.

I give you my Top 10 Costumes That Will Make You Look Like a Tool, and if you are a tool, Make You Look Like a Bigger Tool:

1. Slutty-X. This formula has benefitted both guys and girls for years. X is a variable for any occupation in the world. Slutty secretary, slutty nurse, slutty cafeteria lady, etc.

Ladies, this was charming in high school, but not anymore. Slutty is no longer attractive. Be something funny if you want people to like you.

2. Lady Gaga. I will just be disappointed if you go Gaga for Halloween. This epitomizes being unoriginal.

3. Kenny Powers. I feel as though “Eastbound & Down” was funny because people so badly wanted to be funny, not because it actually was.

Sure, Kenny Powers was hilarious at times, but I am confident that those who think they have a hidden gem will run into about twenty other Kenny Powers by the end of the night.

4. Michael Jackson. Funny because of how inappropriate it is, but still not original. Don’t do it.

5. Meat Head. Similar to Slutty X. For many narcissistic gym rats who enjoy catching their reflection anytime a reflective surface is near, Halloween is an excuse to put the guns on display.

I may sound spiteful but I assure you I am not. I am this skinny by choice. Guys showing skin on Halloween is only funny if they go tranny or are fat. This is life.

6. Marquette University High School Kid. Wait, I am confusing costumes I don’t like with people I don’t like. Zing! I’m just kidding Marquette High kids.

I love you all, but would not be surprised if some of you have plans to be one of the aforementioned costumes.

7. Kate Gosselin. This woman is one of those people that deserves to be kicked in the face and I believe many people share the same sentiment.

So any ladies sporting Kate’s annoyingly short haircut on Halloween, you run the risk of looking like the devil and getting kicked in the face.

8. Balloon Boy. Please, just leave this one alone.

9. D*ck in a box. Unless your d*ck is actually in the box, please refrain from this one.

10. “Twilight” Vampire. I will let a girl get away with this because I like girls, but if I see a guy dressed as one of those stupid vampires, I am going to run to the nearest grocery store, buy eggs, hard boil them, find you and throw them at you.

Sorry for the harsh reality, that is my truth. I am just stating simple facts.

If you stay away from these costumes in particular, chances are, people—and more importantly, I—will like and respect you more.