Well freshmen, now that you've had a few months of classes and your first midterms are under your belt, it's time to start thinking about a major. This is an important decision because not only will it likely determine what kind of job you can get after college, but it also says a lot about who you are. Your advisers are (or are not, depending on your college) probably helping you with this, and you probably came in with some kind of idea yourself.

Remember that it's OK to change your major and that everyone at some point flirts with the idea of becoming a psychology major. But without further ado, here's Uncle Mark's walk-through of (most) majors.

If the whole reason you came to college is because you "wanna be rich someday" or "that's just what you do after high school" then the College of Business Administration is for you. Other signs that a business major may be right for you are if you lack any kind of intellectual curiosity and if grades are of little importance to you. The plus side is that you will probably make more money than of all us with the possible exception of our next major.

You can tell the next major by his math skills and massive ego. Engineering majors will always be sure to let you know how much work they have to do between labs and other exercises in number-crunching. Sure, complex equations and a 10-page lab report (filled mostly with graphs) are hard work – just don't ask an engineering major to express any kind of creative thought in writing. So if you find yourself to be a whiz with numbers and building things but are handicapped with functional illiteracy, fear not, engineering is for you.

The next major incurs similar workloads but tends to be more modest in its efforts. A nursing major is for you if you like helping people, think things like Digital Impaction Removal sound cool and high-tech and you don't mind getting up at 3 a.m. for clinicals. If you're a guy and this sounds fun, know that your classes will be overwhelmingly filled with girls, but you may have to deal with ridicule and being called a "Murse."

The College of Communication has majors for the vain down to the self-righteous. If Ron Burgundy is your hero and you find reading a teleprompter rewarding, perhaps you should consider Broadcast & Electronic Communication. On the other hand, if you have a Messianic complex and believe the media is the first line of defense against tyranny, Journalism is probably up your alley. Communication majors are also great if you don't want to be bothered with work.

Pre-Law is perfect for those not burdened with a soul, just as Social Welfare and Justice majors are great for the soft of heart and head. A Theology major is excellent if you want to be a priest or…a priest. For those truly dedicated to their field, employment be damned, English, Philosophy, Sociology and Anthropology would be a good fit. If you are so smart the engineers call you a nerd, a Physics major is no doubt pre-ordained. If you like arguing about politics and someday wish to do nothing in Congress, you can't go wrong with Political Science.

The last major I'll discuss is an elite fraternity of scholars. They are true Gods amongst men; better looking, smarter and wittier than everyone else. They are the historians, the only ones who can bestow immortality. How they do not have a college unto themselves remains a mystery. Requirements to join this assemblage of great minds include the ability to withstand ungodly amounts of reading followed by unholy amounts of writing. (Note: Membership in this fraternity does not guarantee gainful employment.)

I hope this guide helps you make a better decision when choosing a major, be it a pompous engineer, a pious nurse or an unemployable English major.