Now we're all waist-deep in Super Bowl coverage and if you press your nose close enough to the page you can hear me gagging.
Why is it that important to have this week of nothing? The week of sports purgatory where football is at a standstill, Peter Gammons does not pepper my television every night and basketball provides all sports fans a glimpse into the future no one wants to see.
Every football fan knows the end is upon us. There is no need to draw this out another week. This week ESPN and other networks force-feed stories into our television mouths.
I already knew that Patriots quarterback Tom Brady wins the big games, Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb has tried so very hard to get Philadelphia to a Super Bowl and that Patriots coach Bill Belichick puts flashiness right next to cleanliness on his list of priorities, well before these two teams won their respective conferences. No need for constant reminders.
Think it's bad now? Well my friends, it is only going to get worse. You'll spend so much time looking at Eagles head coach Andy Reid that you'll think he's starting to slim down. You will be able to identify the Patriots' starting linebackers more quickly than your second cousins, and Patriots offensive coordinator Charlie Weiss will get so much face-time on TV you'll begin to believe that Dallas Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells and John Candy actually had a child — and an uninteresting one on top of that.
Do yourself a favor. I am going to let you in on a little secret because I genuinely like helping people.
From now until next Tuesday do not pay attention to any of the Super Bowl stories on TV. Look at the Bottom Line on ESPN, because only important information will be relayed on that little black strip.
It's important to stay away from all of this Super Bowl coverage because if you expose yourself to too much coverage, the game won't matter to you.
The coverage is so over-the-top you'll soon learn that Eagles defensive tackle Hollis Thomas favors his third chin to his second and that Patriots linebacker Teddy Bruschi is a paper man at the supermarket.
It is a shame that the "week of the dead" has to ruin the Super Bowl for so many. The excitement level generated by playing the Super Bowl the week after the conference championships would be much greater because fans would not have to sit through a week of boring stories.
A majority of the stories the week before the Super Bowl focus on the game, but if you still end up watching coverage this week, it'll be no time before Patriots' running back Corey Dillonwill teach you how he braises lamb.
This article appeared in The Marquette Tribune on Jan. 27 2005.