Bobby Riggs had Billie Jean-King. Ron Burgundy had Veronica Corningstone. And I have Amanda LaBonar.

Often my counterpart on the Tribune editorial desk and I find ourselves in debates that break down into "you are just a stupid boy," or "I wish God had given women rationality." So we decided to take our battle public and let the readers decide.

I learned on the high school debate team that you should always credit an opponent before you tear them apart. So… well, there's nothing nice to say.

Every time I start talking politics with a girl on campus I hear: "Well, if a woman was president there wouldn't be war," or, "There wouldn't be poverty if a girl was in charge."

Maybe they're right. But I know that a female president would change the Department of the Interior to the Department of Interior Design. And I can guarantee that 95 percent of the women in the United States would have some ridiculous reason not to like whatever curtains that department picked out.

Then, there's dating. I'd like to meet the sucker that let women write the rules for this sadistic tradition. Then I'd like to punch him. If a man had written these rules it would be much simpler: If you like somebody, date him. If you don't like somebody, don't date him. But, alas, we didn't write the rules.

So instead of hearing "yes" or "no" after asking somebody out, guys hear, "I like you, but I am not sure if I like, like you and I am so busy right now with school and work that I can't get into a relationship but I miss my last relationship and you might be a good substitute but if you're not, I'll string you along for two months and break it off suddenly for no reason and then insist we hang out post-breakup and pout when hanging out doesn't work even though I treated you like garbage."

Then there's the way the gals treat their "best friends." Usually it's with a kind of back-stabbery that would make Brutus puke.

How many times have you seen some girl go up to another girl, hug her, talk for three hours and then start ragging on that same girl as soon as she gets up for a bottle of water. It's predictable as snow in Alaska.

But my penultimate beef with the opposite sex is the constant whining about how they are not equal. If you want equality, then we are doing the equality thing for real. That means the next time the Titanic goes down it's just "children first," not "women and children first."

And one last thing: In your next argument — and this goes for all women — stick to the actual argument. If you start arguing with a guy about hot dogs, don't suddenly start yelling about how three years ago he made a left turn down a one-way street when he should have taken a right. That has nothing to do with the hot dog in question.

Yes, you are woman; yes, we hear you roar. It's just unfortunate that you don't roar about anything important.

This viewpoint was published in The Marquette Tribune on October 11, 2005.