Well, we're at that time again. We're rounding the home stretch of another school year. If you're like me — and as amazing a person as I am who wouldn't want to be like me — you're probably planning out your summer already. I know I am planning mine.
From May 15 to Aug. 4 I'll be working with Allstate. I'll be in good hands. At least, that's their stand. I'll also be learning to fit in with the corporate culture. Some people think I won't be able to do it, mainly anyone that has worked with me for an extended period of time.
In the meantime I plan on frequenting U.S. Cellular field to see the 2005 World Series Champions the Chicago White Sox. For those of you who haven't been to the Cell on a half-priced Monday, I promise you get your money's worth.
The last time I went to a half-priced Monday a three-row brawl ensued in the upper deck. One guy was tie-wrapped at the hands and feet, then tossed down concrete steps. He wasn't the one who started the brawl either.
I'll also be playing a ton of golf. My buddies and I have devised our own schedule of major championships. And I'll be hitting the links with my dad too. Nothing like swearing at a little white ball to make the summer fly past.
Then of course there is the road trip. We are debating between Windsor — Canada's version of Detroit — and Las Vegas — America's sandbox.
Both prove tempting. One offers alcohol, gambling and legalized escort services. The other offers alcohol, gambling and legalized escort services. It will be a tough decision. But, in the end, I can promise my fellow readers that I will make good use of all three amenities offered by the respective cities.
I'm also planning to spend some time with my sister before she makes the big leap from high school to college. Someone has to show her the ropes of college life. Well, someone at least needs to show her how to lie to a conduct board (I swear, I had no idea there was alcohol in Miller Lite).
On second thought, she'll probably be better off without a teacher for that.
Weekends at Lake Michigan will be fun. I'm going to dare little kids to drink the lake water. Then I'll record all the diseases they get and call it my science project for next year. It's never too early to get to work on next semester's class work.
My whole life I've wanted one thing from summer: a Chicago Bear's foam dome. You know, one of those helmets you place beverages in. This summer, I swear with Terri Hatcher as my witness I will buy one of those domes. I will also place a Bears decal on it.
The summer is full of great possibilities. I can't wait to get started. Hey, this is my last summer to be a kid, have fun and kick back. Next year I'm a senior. After that year ends I have to get a J-O-B. So it's time to live it up while it lasts.