It's time to stick a sock down your little sister's throat. Or at least in her ears.
If you take your music too seriously (like me) then you know nothing is worse than the curse of the 12-year-old girl.
You find a band you like — they're hip, they're cool and therefore, so are you.
But somewhere along the way, the Little Sisters of America hear this band, start buying this band's T-shirt, start screeching about this band, start begging their moms to buy this band's CD and ultimately, destroy this band.
Now you have to put away the T-shirt you bought from them when they were cool and you can no longer hear them at the concerts they play. Literally. There's too many LSAs singing along.
The LSA are evil. They made N*SYNC popular. They put Blink-182 on the cover of Teen Beat. Blink-182 responded by writing songs about sodomy and pooping in bathtubs. That only made the LSA scream louder.
"We don't like pooping in bathtubs," they yelled from the hilltops of, let's say, a suburb of Chicago. "But we like cute guys. And they have tattoos!"
The LSA have recently made this formula popular: guy in gravely voice raps about hoes while lady sings chorus in a warbled voice.
Clearly, if you have a brain, you hate LSA too.
I'll make an admission. I tried seeing Panic! At the Disco at Summerfest. I might as well have tried to stick my head in a garbage disposal to look for treasure.
I couldn't hear the band because LSA are singing "Is it still me who makes you sweat/who you think about in bed" at a volume reserved for a chorus of cattle in heat.
Why is there a LSA? Twelve-year-old boys concentrate on pouring salt on slugs and imitating 50 Cent. Yet at least those things remain cool and popular.
We must stop LSA from spreading. And we all can help do it. We just need to sock it to them.