I am going to begin this column by saying I am sure I will be hated after you read this. I welcome your criticism (e-mail me at [email protected] or [email protected]).

Since when did democracy stand for chalked advertisements and forced opinions? Sorry, last time I checked, my opinion is all that matters to me. This is not a rant or a rave about this year’s political election — instead, you are going to receive my brutally honest opinion about how this election has become the world’s greatest three-ring circus, and the candidates just happen to be the stars of the show.

Being democratic, I feel I should cover all the important issues. Let’s start with issue number one: fashion. When women entered the race, fashion critics had a field day. Unfortunately, it only proves how shallow we are as a nation. I honestly could care less about Cindy McCain’s more than $300,000 dress, Hillary Clinton’s suits, Barack Obama’s fashion sense, his wife’s J.Crew wardrobe that she deems “cheap,” or Sarah Palin’s librarian style. How about we learn from our mistakes and realize that women are very capable of running this country, and their fashion sense should not be the domineering reason to vote, or not to vote, for them. Have you ever had anyone vote for you just based on the clothing you wore? Unless we have all resorted to fifth grade antics – I think not.

Numero dos. Guess what? Unless you didn’t now already, Obama is a black man, Palin is a woman, and John McCain and Joe Biden are both old. Discrimination was out the window when it came to this election. People aren’t just voting based on color, sex or age. The pertinent issues actually were important this time around — like Obama’s suits, Palin’s bird’s-eye-view into the front doors of Russians and McCain’s wife’s spending habits.

My love of Saturday Night Live grew since the election heated up. Tina Fey is a comic genius. Palin was just an unfortunate target. It’s not her fault that she can see Russia or that her deep accent makes her hilarious. Palin became one of the nation’s most coveted celebrities over this election season. You cannot honestly disagree with me about that, either. If it weren’t true, than why did people get off by anticipating what came out of her mouth next or what comic insult SNL could inflict this time. Sarah, you are officially a National MILF. You and your hot legs made a statement this season. You’re like the next Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan. Congratulations on your newest accomplishment! Feel free to add that to your résumé.

And then there is Barack Obama. I didn’t know Oprah was pulling a Paris Hilton and was on a search for her new BFF. Change. Hope. Youth. Three words with ample association to Mr. Obama: let me add one more to this mix: CELEBRITY. Next to Palin, Obama definitely tops my list of celebrities the world wants to watch. He is youthful, hip, spent all of his time in the Illinois Senate campaigning for the United States Senate, and all of his U.S. Senate term campaigning for the presidency. He is the public’s most friendly face!

Sorry … I really think that politics, although screwed up and twisted to start with, should be reserved for the anti-celebrity. I mean, c’mon, a majority hate “W” – he became a global anti-celebrity, ran our nation to the best of his abilities and look how great that turned out for us. So my word of advice to either candidate, especially to the one who thinks his “friendships” with the world’s most talented are scoring him a presidency: YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT, NOT A CELEBRITY. If you wanted to be a celebrity you should have just moved to Hollywood, messed with some drugs, screwed a few actresses and shot a couple movies. It’s that simple!

I am obviously on a very tall soapbox, with most of you wishing I got off it a couple paragraphs ago. I have thrown a lot out there, and a lot most wouldn’t agree with. Yet my political affiliation remains a secret to you, the readers.

As you sit and read my words of wisdom (or as you sit loathing them), a new president of our nation has risen in the ranks. Some will skip classes in celebration or agony, others in realization of a new era, many with hopes of a new and better tomorrow. No matter which man sits on top, we will still live our day-to-day lives. Some will choose to whine and moan for four years, but they’ll get over it. In the end, my opinion will still stand, and it will still be the popular one.