4 best places to make out on campus

Finally, after months of conversations limited to solving equations, your cute lab partner mentions something about the chemistry between you two during a study session in your dorm room. Eager to steam up the safety goggles, you lean in for a smooch just as your roommate bumbles in, effectively blocking your extracurricular activity and making the next 45 minutes of homework unbearably tense.

For next time, prepare an escape plan by memorizing the following locations scientifically evaluated as the four best make-out spots on Marquette’s campus.

1. The backseat of a L.I.M.O. van

As long as the infamous blue vans have patrolled the campus roads, the temptation to violate their gray upholstered loveseats has prevailed among the student body. Much to the chagrin of its captive audience, the typical L.I.M.O. make-out would never earn a nomination for “Best Kiss” at the MTV Movie Awards. Due to the jostling nature of the ride, missed targets and painful collisions often occur, but the reward of knowing that the driver will eventually see you licking face in the rearview mirror makes it worth it.

2. The Delta Chi Fraternity House

In a poll of ten Marquette students, seven reported making out at Delta Chi at least once. A rite of passage for many freshmen, locking lips in the blacklight glow of the Delta Chi basement on the weekend often culminates with “kissy-face” inscriptions on the back of your T-shirt in highlighter pink; a worthy souvenir. Unfortunately, this item on the make-out bucket list will have to wait until the house’s social suspension is lifted after May 20 to fraternize with the frat boys in the basement.

3. The Memorial Library stacks

Logging onto Facebook during library study breaks to creep on your crush gets old. Why not be proactive and make out with your crush during library study breaks, instead? The expansive aisles of bookshelves in the Memorial Library provide ample room for snogging opportunities, but beware of librarians. Their supersonic hearing honed over years of working in a quiet environment makes them sensitive to slurping sounds; they can detect Memorial mischief from the Raynor lobby.

4. The “Kiss Cam” at the Bradley Center

With great power, comes great responsibility; as such, you need to go big or go home when the “Kiss Cam” narrows its lens on you and the person next to you. Often, performance anxiety kicks in when the opportunity to stage the ultimate PDA arises, and couples cop out with a wimpy peck. The crowd wants to see something entertaining on the jumbo screen during timeouts at Marquette basketball games, so to everyone who reads this, please throw in some tongue next time you find yourself in the Kiss Cam’s crosshairs. The only exception to this absolute rule is if you attend the game with your immediate family; second cousins are still fair game.