Almost two months into its search for the next university president, Marquette’s presidential search committee can still not locate a president, despite looking under desks, in closets and in another traditional hiding spots.

The search is perplexing the committee members.

“We are running out of places to look,” said John Ferraro, chair of the presidential search committee and board of trustee member. “We even climbed trees and looked in bushes.”

Ferraro noted that the search increased in difficulty once the committee turned around, closed its eyes and gave all the presidents a 30-second head start to hide. He said he may have underestimated both the lay and Jesuit candidates’ hiding abilities.

“If hiding was something we were looking for in the next president, we would have a bunch of great candidates,” Ferraro said. “Unfortunately, things like fundraising, Catholic identity and other leadership qualities are higher on our list.”

Other members of the search committee said they are close to giving up, insisting the presidents must be cheating, especially after failing to comply with “come out, come out, wherever you are.” As the Turnip reported on this story, a president was located behind a copy machine in Johnston Hall, but he promptly hushed the reporter.