To … My ex-girlfriend: Thanks for giving my TV away to a thrift store after we broke up.

To … Gus: for smoking the ghost out of the closet.

To … Amy: Thanks for making me feel like the anti-social roommate when all I want to do is watch TV on the couch. Don’t worry, I still love you!

To … Team U.S.A: Pretty impressive win over Canada, eh?

To … Tiger Woods: Shut up. Just go away.

To … The Brew Klepto: Be “Naked” on your own dime.

To … The LDH brothers and sisters: can’t wait for initiation this weekend!

To … J. Court: Your stink eye seduces me every time.