Finals are approaching, the daily planner is becoming crowded and the 12-page paper that you've known about since the first day of the semester looms like a cloud of despair over everything you do. You're going to have to pull an all-nighter. It's a mistake, here's how it will go.

9:00 p.m. You wake up from a strategic evening nap. You somehow convinced yourself the last two hours were better spent sleeping than actually working on the paper. Time to get to work.

10:00 p.m. You have spent the last hour reading every single article on ESPN.com.

10:10 p.m. Your friends are calling you. They want you to come to what is apparently the most mind-blowing party ever thrown. You redouble your efforts.

11:04 p.m. After reading 30 pages of research you open Microsoft Word.

11:08 p.m. Still staring at a blank screen you hate this paper, you hate your life.

12:59 a.m. You've finished 4 pages. After doing some term paper arithmetic – 2 pages an hour, 4 more hours, finished at 5 a.m. – you realize you're well ahead of schedule.

1:00 a.m. Cartoon Network. Adult Swim. Futurama. Family Guy.

2:17 a.m. You're still mesmerized by the early morning glow of your television. You just watched the Girls Gone Wild infomercial through its entire cycle.

2:20 a.m. Your friends return home from what they insist was the most incredible and hilarious night of their lives.

2:27 a.m. After hearing the Greatest Story Ever Told you decide to get back to work.

2:29 a.m. You're on the way to Open Pantry for a 1-liter of Mountain Dew; the beverage of choice for late night studiers.

2:36 a.m. You start writing again. Block quotes are your friend.

6:24 a.m. You've finished writing your paper. The only thing left is to assemble a works cited page. You decide to take a shower first. You can't wait to wash the thin layer of sleepless film off your body.

7: 30 a.m. You've just completed what might be the most insightful paper ever written; the words 'nomenclature' and 'zeitgeist' are prominently featured. You love your life.

Two weeks later you get your paper back. It's the worst paper ever written. An entire paragraph repeats itself. Every sentence begins with either 'however' or 'meanwhile.' You show the paper to your friend who proceeds to retell the Greatest Story Ever Told.

This viewpoint appeared in The Marquette Tribune on April 28 2005.