To begin with, I have to admit that I do not have the most school spirit on campus. I generally do not enjoy watching sports or cheering for the various home teams that have been associated with my geographical location or the previous educational institutions I have attended.

That being said, I still feel that I have a say in how this school is portrayed. As a part of the student body, I still feel the need to express my opinion on how other schools and, frankly, the world views the college I give tuition to every year. Some of these things I cannot change, but some aspects are influenced by what I have to say. This includes everything from collegiate prestige, which I do not have much control over, to the school mascot, which I have more control over.

An unveiling of the new mascot was presented in the Oct. 13 issue of The Marquette Tribune, showing off an updated eagle. The new mascot is supposed to look "tougher (and) undoubtedly intimidate Marquette's opponents in the Big East." Although there may have been significant updates, I frankly don't think it's a big enough improvement. Take the front page of the issue in question, for example: a picture of the Eagle at the top of the page greets you with open arms, looking extremely friendly and ready to hug. To be blunt: I'm not buying it.

But, there is hope. I have a very easy solution to this problem: give the Eagle a knife. I know it may sound drastic, but the eagle by itself looks more like Teletubby than a cold hearted killer. Now, if it had a knife, there isn't a mascot, human, or basketball team in the Big East (or anywhere else, for that matter) that would mess with him. Just think about it! An eagle with a knife!

This leads to an obvious question: what kind of knife will the Eagle brandish? I have given the matter a considerable amount of thought and realized that the best knife for our beloved bird would be a butcher's knife. Why? First and foremost: a butcher knife is the perfect size. It is not too large that it would become unwieldy and difficult to use, but not too small that it would not do a good amount of damage. Secondly, it's sharp. Butcher knives are sharp, making them scary. End of story. Thirdly, and most importantly, a butcher knife is often associated with use on meat. If we look at the Big East mascots and mascots in general, you will see that almost all of them are of animals. Now suppose one of these mascots saw the butcher's knife. What would they think? My guess is that it would involve a butcher's block and the local deli.

So, is the Eagle as a mascot worth opponents' respect? Not quite. Eagle with a knife? Watch out Big East, we're gonna cut you.

This viewpoint was published in The Marquette Tribune on October 18, 2005.