The harlot of the year award goes to Christianity. Everyone who's anyone has taken her for a spin. Most people seem genuinely interested in her but I feel sorry for her.

There were the people who want her to talk about marriage, or the sanctity of it. There were the people who trotted her on stage at political rallies and televised debates to show her off. There were those who tried to get her condemn homosexuality. There were those who wanted her to cast off the cohorts of condemnation. There were those who made narrow movies about her. There were those who plastered her on their magazine covers. There were those who want to lock her up and expunge her name from the public record — Merry X-Mas. Even I wrote that religion was a pernicious fraud.

Most of these people have a genuine emotional attachment to the lady, even those who want her out of sight. Macy's and Target have been trying to feign disinterest in her by attempting to turn Christmas secular while dancing about the boardroom as holiday profits pour in. The head of American Atheists has been rushing to demolish as many nativity scenes on public land or in city parades across the country. Yes even the atheists have a secret crush on her. They are like everyone in the NBA rushing to dunk on Yao Ming. They don't do it out of an egalitarian feeling about dunking, they do it because Yao is big and their caustic display will get them on Sports Center — or in this case MSNBC. Everyone loves Yao too, maybe that's because taking advantage of him feels so good.

She's very likable, but it seems like every time someone takes her out they're trying to sell her something; trying to use her to sell me — who loves her — something that doesn't have much to with why I fell in love with her.

After 17 years of Catholic school, I've gotten pretty good at figuring out what the girl is all about: hope. The simple message that if we teat people we hardly know or like with as much love as we shower upon our own needs we will be better off. The concept defies logic. It asks us to ignore our instincts of self-service and begs us to take a leap of faith that our selflessness will be repaid. It challenges us to ignore droughts in our lives when it seems no one else cares. It is a message who's power to change us and the world around us is only matched by its ability to stretch our minds beyond sanity.

With that in mind I have a personal message to everyone who abused my beloved this year and told me it was for my good. Go sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here.

This article appeared in The Marquette Tribune on Dec. 9 2004.

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