If something is redone, logically there should be a point — an idea that apparently escaped director Charles Shyer ("Father of the Bride") when he undertook "Alfie," an utterly thoughtless hack job of a remake.
Where 1966's "Alfie," which launched Michael Caine's acting career, debunked sexual hedonism with an air of shock and humor, this watered-down modernization screens like an extended fragrance commercial — and is about as thought provoking.
Like Michael Caine's original, Jude Law's Alfie is charming, British, steadfast in his pursuit of shagging anything he fancies and speaks directly to the camera.
Law carries the film — one of six he's in this year — only to the point any good actor hauls idiotic material. Caine had the pleasure of Bill Naughton's script, which is based on his play, to ground his performance; Law — despite his beatific smile and ease on camera — doesn't.
The modern Alfie is relocated from the bustling, stark realism of London's streets to a sugarcoated Manhattan where he sips lattes, smokes cigarettes, wears chic clothing and struts with metrosexual confidence, all to the tune of a disappointing soundtrack by Mick Jagger and David Stewart.
A limo driver by trade, — how he's able to afford a primo Manhattan apartment I haven't the foggiest idea — Alfie beds his best friend's soon to be fiancée, an annoying neurotic, and a well-aged, successful businesswoman (Nia Long, Sienna Miller and Susan Sarandon, respectively).
Between moments of sexual deviance, he occasionally visits with his on-and-off girlfriend (Marisa Tomei), a single mother who's looking for a long-term, committed relationship.
Of course, Alfie finds that all this meaningless sex is, well, meaningless and asks, "What's it all about?" in a series of subtlety-ridden moments.
In a hospital men's room, an old man explains that all you need in life is to love a woman and live every day as if it's your last.
Even more insulting to audiences' intelligence, Alfie walks by billboards with phrases like "Desire" or "Wishing," essentially cutting off any insight into the character.
It's worth noting that the original movie constructed around the sexual vagueness of the mid-'60s — there wasn't a "Sex in the City" or other pop media endeavors which celebrated women's sexuality — and topics like male sexual dominance and abortion weren't yet well-worn territory.
But this "Alfie" feels unnervingly redundant, like we've all seen this before — on television, in magazines — and it's risk-less handling of some pretty controversial issues borders futility.
Grade: D