I was one of the six people you knew who didn't know who they were voting for. I watched all the debates, listened to countless hours of cable news commentary, scoured slate.com, saw "Fahrenheit 9/11," read the Wall Street Journal, skimmed the Deulfer report, visited both parties' Web pages and talked at length with friends and co-workers. I did all the things a responsible voter should do except pick a candidate.

Choosing a candidate is painful. It involves aborting things that are important to oneself — fantasizing one's worst concerns will not manifest themselves and finding a cause that emboldens one's choice.

This is a look inside the mind of a swing voter.

I can't endorse Sen. John Kerry's (D-Mass.) anti-outsourcing policy. What he's against is competition. He has insinuated America can't compete with foreigners. He's right of course. Manufacturing jobs are going the way of the dodo in this country. What does Kerry want to do about it? He wants to close tax loopholes and give out tax incentives for American companies.

He doesn't consider the reason other people are willing to do the same work for less — because they need it more. He believes in pandering to voters about job loss. He says he'll protect the country from outsourcing, but in the process exacerbate the struggles of third-world nations, and condemn American workers by corroborating the belief they will never have to learn a new skill set.

I can't approve of using my tax dollars to stifle competition. I can hear Democrats across campus howling at their newspapers, "But you're okay with spending them in Iraq."

Yes, I buy into rhetoric about the spread of democracy and the gathering threat of Saddam Hussein. I even accept that President Bush's postwar planning was narrow-minded and, at times, pompous. For someone who supported the war, balancing Bush's audaciousness and Kerry's incongruence is a wash.

I can't support using taxpayer dollars to help pay for abortions. But I also can't support a Constitutional amendment to restrict gay rights.

Can I trust market pressures and a Republican Congress to keep Kerry's foolhardy plan from becoming a reality? Can I take it on faith that a gay marriage ban will never pass? Maybe. In areas I care about the most, neither candidate offers a comprehensive platform for my beliefs. In the places where I am best described as a "fickle mush-head" they are most alike.

Picking a candidate was an exercise in careful wishful thinking. I may sound like someone who isn't satisfied with his choice. Of course I'm unsatisfied – I'm 22 and disillusioned. I never thought I would have to sacrifice so much for something as meaningless as a single vote. I hope I'm not the only one who feels that way.

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