More than a feeling

They're making low-carb Doritos. Doritos!! And today, when I was taking out my trash, the usual empty cases of High Life and Budweiser were joined by an empty case of Michelob Ultra, the low-carb beer. Subway's got Atkins Wraps, and Burger King and McDonald's are expanding their menus to be more low-carb friendly, and I'm going low-carb crazy.

I've been doing some research on the internet, and I found that several companies, such as Frito-Lay, are introducing these new "low-carb" products to capitalize on the nations latest trend. Capitalize, huh? I mean, these companies are responsible for introducing products that have steadily contributed to the obesity epidemic, so can you really trust them? Or is this low-carb craze just another trend that we'll laugh at a few years down the road?

I suppose I have to admit now that I "went on Atkins" over the summer, and I managed to lose a significant amount of weight. I feel better, I look better and I've changed my eating habits, but that was before low-carb was all the rage. Now I feel like an indy rocker whose favorite underground band has just made top 40. Everybody's doing it, and I don't want to hear it anymore.

I glad people want to be thin and everything, but really we'll never be thin enough. I mean, I think I look good at a size 10, but by Hollywood standards I'm still morbidly obese. Here's the problem: No matter what we do, they keep changing the standards. Marilyn Monroe was a size 16, but these days she would be told to lose weight. We've got the same ever-changing standards when it comes to what we should eat. Remember a few years ago, when calorie counting and low fat was all the rage? Now it's high fat and low-carb, calories don't mean anything, and dieting continues to be an obsession for American people yet we're still one of the fattest countries in the world.

So how can we get out of dieting hell? I mean, is Dr. Atkins supposed to be our savior? Will I ever be able to fit into a size 0? Do I even want to? I'm so confused! Why can't I just be the way I am and eat what I want? Why will I never be good enough? I suppose I'm just too hard on myself, but that pressure doesn't come from just me. It comes from society, the media and people around me. Women, because they are crazy, will always be worrying about their weight. This is my biggest fear: When I die and go to hell, my eternity will be sitting in a room surrounded by girls thinner than me that are all complaining that they're fat. I'll want to shoot myself in the head over and over again, but I'll already be dead. Good thing I don't believe in eternal damnation. Living la vida low-carb is damnation enough.