Consent coasters blunder, avoid moral matters

Why is it that we are baby-talking and coddling grown men with a message, which implies that women will fall for men’s selfish desires if men only “ask?” What is the message “Asking for consent is sexy” is supposed to tell a man? Does a man have to feel that there is a payoff involved for respecting a woman (i.e. feeling sexy), or is simple uninterested kindness too difficult? If any 18-year-old male who has gone through at least 12 years of previous education and has a logical mind still doesn’t know the difference between respecting an individual and using an individual to the point that he will actually force his will on the other person, do you think that telling him it’s sexy to ask will make him care?

Frankly, what I’m saying is that such a male is not stupid, and he acts ultimately because he wants to. If there is alcohol involved, one or two experiences should be more than enough to tell him what his limits are, and what will happen if he does it again. If an abuser continues to drink excessively despite the dangers, do we think any phrase about others’ feelings is going to make him change? The abuser should be smart enough to already know that other people have feelings, in order to decide whether he will respect them or not.

As for the rest of us men, seeing a coaster that suggests harmonious relationships with the opposite sex to be a good thing not for the sake of reasonable social contract, not for the sake of faith or for the sake of basic ethics, but simply for the sake of self gratification is both insulting and insinuating that men are egoists who must be reasoned with using flattery. It should be common sense that any psychology that says it is OK to use someone so long as they “consent” is both perverted logic and an inadequate moral standard for well-intentioned people.

“Consensual sex” often occurs only because one of the parties involved has been duped into feeling loved, is under the influence, is innocent or inexperienced, is lonely, needs money or is simply afraid of losing someone. Saying that seeking of someone’s “consent” based on a simple question of yes or no is both attractive and laudable behavior is encouraging predatory attitudes and overlooking the fact that coercion can and does occur at many levels within relationships.

I believe that if sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is truly healthy it will be an expression of love in a committed relationship, and not simply a tool of self-gratification or an immature game. No one can justify the rape or abuse of another person, nor should anyone justify the use of someone as a mere thing. All human beings should be treated with a sense of awe for the dignity and mystery that they possess as unique persons both male and female.

Ultimately there needs to be a change in attitudes and desires that goes deeper than any campaign slogan. In the meantime, I suggest that unless people can think of slogans that promote respect for all peoples’ dignity, organizations such as Marquette Counseling ought to restrict their advertising campaigns to help numbers and contact information.

Yank is a junior political science and history major.