I’ve really never liked that question: “If you could have only one (blank) on a desert island, what would it be?” No, No! Why do you make me imagine this happening? Why don’t you just ask me my favorites?! Once in a while, though, I have to give in and answer. And my first reaction is to answer honestly: “I’d rather just avoid this altogether!” But we tend to insist with these little riddles. So here’s a packing list for my stranding that’s sure to happen at some point soon:
Movie: Anything with Whoopi Goldberg. Preferably the “Sister Act” collection. Those count as one, right? But I’d settle for “Ghost.”
Cassette Tape: “Grover Sings the Blues,” by Grover. Ever since Sesame Street Records released this one back in 1974 it’s been a sure desert island pick. With hits like “Has Anybody Seen My Dog,” Grover croons his blues away from side A to side B. Plus you’ll have to relearn basics like numbers and letters after the hot sun fries your brain and reminds you of all you’ve lost since washing up on shore months ago. What, too graphic? Well, I have to entertain myself somehow.
Candy: Kit-Kats. Because after the “talking to yourself” factor settles in, I can break me off a piece and still feel like I shared.
Food: Pizza. Assuming this doesn’t mean I get a pizza tree (I’d be booking my flight already), this means there would be cheese, tomatoes and the most organic of pizza ingredients … crust. Three food groups covered: dairy, vegeta-fruit and grains. Runner Up: Banana. Because I figure I’ll be really panicked when I get there, and what do I reach for when I get panicked at home? Bananas. Plus it goes great with cereal.
Album: “Speakerboxxx/The Love Below,” by Outkast. I’m just being honest.
Television Show: Wait! We get TV? Well I mean … do we get cable? “Basic” cable you say? OK you know what just forget it; I can stream from my Netflix account. Maybe I’ll get a WiFi signal from a passing plane, which in all its irony, will allow me to Skype for rescue while the plane simultaneously fails to spot a burning S.O.S or my flailing arms. But if I had to pick… Hollywood Squares. Nice to see you again, Whoopi.