MURPHY: Top 7 jobs for college grads: From beer tasters to Brett Farve

With the job market wearing thin in almost every industry, college seniors around the country are faced with the stress of starting “real life.” New methods of avoiding the rigorous job search have evolved during the recession.

More students are deciding they can’t finish college in the expected four years, while others want to take a year or two to find themselves, often in the lift line in Aspen. While some do have honest intentions, the truth is that many are simply avoiding the inevitable.

Since there is no use dwelling on the scarcity of not just decent jobs, but all jobs, we can instead focus on the best jobs this good country has to offer.

While some of these jobs do include high salaries and public exposure, what makes them so special is that anyone can do them (except being Brett Farve — see below). Here is a list of the top seven jobs any college grad would love to have:

1. Third-string NFL quarterback. These men are not backup quarterbacks — they are backups to the backups. With a minimum NFL salary of $285,000 that exponentially increases every year, third-string quarterbacks are paid to do essentially nothing.

2. Member of an entourage. While the HBO hit series glamorizes the idea of riding someone else’s coattails (and has grown trendier and less interesting than entertaining), it still gives hope to burnouts, short people and followers everywhere.

3. Reality show sidekick. What exactly does Big John of “Rock of Love” do? He doesn’t seem to do much besides stand and wear a bandana. Granted, he does both with an uncanny poise that most couldn’t execute in the presence of self-proclaimed rock legend Bret Michaels, as well as the classy girls he is courting.

4. Wine and beer taster. While the men and women who call this profession their livelihood are more likely to expose themselves in public than to actually gain public exposure, this is a job many lifelong Milwaukee patrons would kill to have.

5. Late, late night talk show host. If the seven-year run of “Last Call with Carson Daly” has proven anything, it’s that no one watches talk shows past midnight. I am confident that Daly could go on a Don Imus-like rant and no one would raise an eyebrow. People who are awake are more likely watching Billy Mays infomercial reruns than “Last Call.” Daly performing standup is about as humorous as “American History X,” but like the ageless Brett Favre, he just keeps coming back.

6. A member of a very large family. With shows like “18 Kids and Counting,” “Table for 12” and mega hit “Jon and Kate Plus 8” raking in millions of viewers a week, Americans should rethink whether or not it’s smart to start a family during the recession. Even though TLC’s “Jon and Kate Plus 8” has evolved into something more along the lines of “Jon and Kate Seper8,” they are still managing to make millions of dollars while exploiting their eight adorable children. This does not seem to affect mother Kate, who lost her soul in a very rare case of postpartum depression, or father Jon, whose aging process is reminiscent of Benjamin Button.

7. Brett Favre. OK, not just anyone could be Brett Favre, but wouldn’t it be great? Scholars debate the exact year Favre was born, but many believe it to be around the early 20th century. Despite old age, no loyalty and a gun-slinging mentality that even spills over to Wrangler jeans commercials, NFL teams still exempt him from training camp and pay him millions.

 

michael.g.murphy@marquette.edu

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